SLIANTE! Entertainment, Drama, Intrigue, and Erudition - all in one charming package.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Toomer's Corner: The Memory of Trees
I have never been to Toomer's Corner in Auburn, and I know next to nothing about football. More to the point, I couldn't care less about football, which to the wonderful fans of Auburn and Alabama is heresy; sorry. I just never saw much of interest in watching a bunch of men in padded suits chasing after a proportionately teeny tiny piece of pigskin. However, I do realize the impact that the sport has on our national culture, and that it engenders fierce passion and loyalty in people, so much so that it consumes Sunday afternoons and Monday morning coffee. In Alabama, you cannot be neutral between the two great teams of that state; sides must be picked, and the battle lines distinctly drawn in this rivalry for generations.
That's fine; it gives people a sense of cameraderie and fellowship to collectively root for their team, to gather and celebrate a win--or to commiserate over a loss. It is our modern equivalent of war, but a safer war, where the objective is to simply score a touchdown rather than murder the opponent and take their goods and chattels away. Everybody walks away at the end—well, some stagger, whether due to injury or inebriation—and leave the fight for another day.
At least, that’s the way it should be.
Fisticuffs have ensued in Alabama over a declaration of nonalignment to either team, but at least a person can defend himself in the scuffle. A tree can’t. Have you ever seen a branch ball itself up in a fist and swing a mean right hook? Aside from JK Rowling’s Whomping Willow, I’ve never heard of a tree that fights back against an intrusion. So a vicious attack against one is hardly the epitome of decency, let alone sportsmanship.
Harvey Updyke Jr. has been charged with injecting a poisonous herbicide into the two 130-year old trees at Toomer’s Corner—a place where Auburn fans come to celebrate and commiserate, and have for decades. It’s bad enough that this man evidently allowed his zeal and misguided sense of loyalty to take the rivalry to such lengths. It’s reprehensible that, in his mind, a tree was simply a tool, a method by which he could achieve his objective. Which, to this non-football fan, was as ridiculous as it was malicious and cruel.
I’m sure there are people out there saying, “What’s the big deal? It’s only a tree.” Yeah, tell me that when you’ve been around for nearly a century and a half. That tree was part of the Toomer’s Corner history. It was part of the town’s identity. And it was a living thing.
People, it’s a game. No world issues have ever been solved by a football game, no famines ended by baseball. We haven’t gone to Mars on the morale of the Lakers, and we won’t fix the oil spill by cheering on Manchester United.
Trees don’t play football. They don’t play baseball or basketball or cricket or soccer, or even bloody golf, for God’s sake. Trees don’t argue, don’t yell obscenities, and don’t start fistfights. All they do is grow and bear witness to the passages of time while we humans barely register it. They give us shade, sometimes shelter from the elements, and often food to sate our hunger. In a world where neutrality is frowned—even sneered—upon, trees are the only true arbiters of impartiality and objectivity.
Whether you’re a hugger or not, it has to be admitted that trees have been around a hell of a lot longer than we have. They have been there through our ups and downs, our triumphs and failures, have seen things we will never see. They are our constants in a world that changes so rapidly that we’re running faster to keep pace.
The trees, on the other hand, know how to be still.
Irish
Thursday, February 17, 2011
GI: Jesus Loves Me
Gooooood evening, my darlings. I hope everyone had a great day and that you are all steaming ahead over the crest of the hill, headlong towards Friday. I, evidently, have managed to catch some kind of stomach bug, and therefore cannot eat my beloved truffles. Which, as I'm sure you're aware, does not bode well for my evening.
Today's GI is a double-header of Rapturist delight. Bear in mind that nowhere in either the Bible--specifically, the New Testament--is there any mention of such an event. The closest the NT ever came to it was in I Thessalonians, when Paul talks about Jesus returning to Earth to gather his saints:
'...and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air."
The actual concept of the Rapture, as it is known today in mainstream Western culture, was the idea of one Cotton Mather and his son, the ingeniously named Increase. The term 'Rapture' was created by Philip Doddridge and John Gill in 1738 and 1748, respectively, in their New Testament commentaries. That's where it all started, and other theologians, ministers, and writers developed on the idea.
What was once a rather lovely idea has become, in my opinion, slightly skeevy when viewed through the perspective of the following:
**
“I am sitting here right now thinking of the rapture...and just thinking about it makes me cry. My spirit groans within me...my heart aches with wanting to see his face. All I can think about is going home...I hate this world and the thought of living a full 70 years saddens me deeply. I want to go home so bad! I am so tired and weary of this world. Jesus..I only want you. Come soon Jesus....your bride is calling.”
Sometimes these people just creep me out.
What about ‘life is a gift, meant to be lived’? I have a hard time believing that God (Allah, Jehovah, Elohim, et al) would be very happy about people wasting time and twiddling their thumbs, moaning about how awful life is and not doing crap to make something meaningful from it.
And as for the “bride” thing…you get up in arms about the hypothesis that Jesus could have been married while he was alive, but it’s perfectly okay if you claim the title after his death/resurrection/ascension? Plus, are you the only "bride"? Is Jesus some kind of polygamous Don Juan?
If God gives you 70 years to live on this planet, I would do my damndest to learn something from the experience if I were you. Otherwise, if you ask me, that’s like throwing the gift He gave you smack in his face and telling him it’s not good enough.
Damn, if I still drank alcohol....
**
[In a thread about "If we can eat in heaven, can we also have sex?" Good to know where the priorities lie.]
1. Jesus ate after receiving His Resurrection body.
2. Marriage "Supper" of the Lamb (Kinda hints at food, doesn't it?)
3. Trees along the River of Life with 12 crops of fruit for us to eat.
We will be able to eat - if we need to is another issue.
1. Sex is for Marriage
2. The only Marriage in Heaven will be Christ and His Bride - now, not to be crass, if we were to have "relations" with each other, wouldn't that be considered adultery if "we" are married to Christ?
There will be no sex for those who have Resurrection bodies. For those still on earth during the Millennium, yes, they will have sex and repopulate the earth.
I don’t know about y’all, but I’m thinking that staying down here is going to be a lot more fun. -Irish
Today's GI is a double-header of Rapturist delight. Bear in mind that nowhere in either the Bible--specifically, the New Testament--is there any mention of such an event. The closest the NT ever came to it was in I Thessalonians, when Paul talks about Jesus returning to Earth to gather his saints:
'...and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air."
The actual concept of the Rapture, as it is known today in mainstream Western culture, was the idea of one Cotton Mather and his son, the ingeniously named Increase. The term 'Rapture' was created by Philip Doddridge and John Gill in 1738 and 1748, respectively, in their New Testament commentaries. That's where it all started, and other theologians, ministers, and writers developed on the idea.
What was once a rather lovely idea has become, in my opinion, slightly skeevy when viewed through the perspective of the following:
**
“I am sitting here right now thinking of the rapture...and just thinking about it makes me cry. My spirit groans within me...my heart aches with wanting to see his face. All I can think about is going home...I hate this world and the thought of living a full 70 years saddens me deeply. I want to go home so bad! I am so tired and weary of this world. Jesus..I only want you. Come soon Jesus....your bride is calling.”
Sometimes these people just creep me out.
What about ‘life is a gift, meant to be lived’? I have a hard time believing that God (Allah, Jehovah, Elohim, et al) would be very happy about people wasting time and twiddling their thumbs, moaning about how awful life is and not doing crap to make something meaningful from it.
And as for the “bride” thing…you get up in arms about the hypothesis that Jesus could have been married while he was alive, but it’s perfectly okay if you claim the title after his death/resurrection/ascension? Plus, are you the only "bride"? Is Jesus some kind of polygamous Don Juan?
If God gives you 70 years to live on this planet, I would do my damndest to learn something from the experience if I were you. Otherwise, if you ask me, that’s like throwing the gift He gave you smack in his face and telling him it’s not good enough.
Damn, if I still drank alcohol....
**
[In a thread about "If we can eat in heaven, can we also have sex?" Good to know where the priorities lie.]
1. Jesus ate after receiving His Resurrection body.
2. Marriage "Supper" of the Lamb (Kinda hints at food, doesn't it?)
3. Trees along the River of Life with 12 crops of fruit for us to eat.
We will be able to eat - if we need to is another issue.
1. Sex is for Marriage
2. The only Marriage in Heaven will be Christ and His Bride - now, not to be crass, if we were to have "relations" with each other, wouldn't that be considered adultery if "we" are married to Christ?
There will be no sex for those who have Resurrection bodies. For those still on earth during the Millennium, yes, they will have sex and repopulate the earth.
I don’t know about y’all, but I’m thinking that staying down here is going to be a lot more fun. -Irish
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
GI: Rogues and Peasant Slaves
Happy hump day, friends and neighbors. Sorry I've been rather lax with the GI missives this week, but things have been busy at work. I just do this for fun, you know. In today's episode: Forget Philip Marlowe. Evidently, Shakespeare had bigger fish to fry, according to this stellar example of research and reasoning --
“You're thinking about the NKJV. This is the one that was commissioned by the king that wanted a divorce I believe. I think it was one of the King Henry's. Crazy kook either got the divorces he wanted or arranged the death and/or imprisonment of his wives so he could re-marry at will. The KJV is the original copy written and translated by Shakespeare, from the ancient greek and hebrew manuscripts. If not this, he may have translated it from an even earlier english translation (which was then translated from the original greek and hebrew) when english barely resembled what it is today. It's one of these two events. This is why it's considered the most accurate, a direct english translation from the originals and the standard for today despite being a relic from the 1300-1500's where fancy poetic language was the common english of those times.”
No. Just no. This is wrong on so many levels I can barely sputter out a response.
Shakespeare? Really? William Shakespeare? There is no evidence to suggest that the Bard had anything to do with the translation of the KJV, which was actually drafted from 1604 to 1611, commissioned by King James I (hence the name—geddit?). King Henry did indeed want a divorce from Katharine of Aragon so he could marry Anne Boleyn, but that was waaay before King James. (James did give Shakespeare a royal patent after Queen Elizabeth I’s death.) James wanted to have a new translation written simply to correct perceived errors in earlier translations. The KJV was the third official translation of the Christian bible into English. Which, incidentally, begins with a capital “E”.
I’m not even getting into the “fancy poetic language” bit. No, wait--yes I will: It's called iambic pentameter, you miscreant, and no, people did not talk that way.
Would it kill people to look this stuff up? --Irish
“You're thinking about the NKJV. This is the one that was commissioned by the king that wanted a divorce I believe. I think it was one of the King Henry's. Crazy kook either got the divorces he wanted or arranged the death and/or imprisonment of his wives so he could re-marry at will. The KJV is the original copy written and translated by Shakespeare, from the ancient greek and hebrew manuscripts. If not this, he may have translated it from an even earlier english translation (which was then translated from the original greek and hebrew) when english barely resembled what it is today. It's one of these two events. This is why it's considered the most accurate, a direct english translation from the originals and the standard for today despite being a relic from the 1300-1500's where fancy poetic language was the common english of those times.”
No. Just no. This is wrong on so many levels I can barely sputter out a response.
Shakespeare? Really? William Shakespeare? There is no evidence to suggest that the Bard had anything to do with the translation of the KJV, which was actually drafted from 1604 to 1611, commissioned by King James I (hence the name—geddit?). King Henry did indeed want a divorce from Katharine of Aragon so he could marry Anne Boleyn, but that was waaay before King James. (James did give Shakespeare a royal patent after Queen Elizabeth I’s death.) James wanted to have a new translation written simply to correct perceived errors in earlier translations. The KJV was the third official translation of the Christian bible into English. Which, incidentally, begins with a capital “E”.
I’m not even getting into the “fancy poetic language” bit. No, wait--yes I will: It's called iambic pentameter, you miscreant, and no, people did not talk that way.
Would it kill people to look this stuff up? --Irish
Thursday, February 10, 2011
GI: The Log In Your Eye
...AAAAnnnnd How was everybody's Thursday? Good? Good. Rest yourselves a bit, prop your feet up, and feast your eyes on the day's Genius Idiocy hors d'oeuvre. If awards were given out for hypocrisy--or obliviousness, this individual would surely take at least one of the top prizes. Deep breath, everyone, and into the breech...
**
“I have a Catholic neighbor that is stubborn like a mule. He is a good man as far as sinners go, (That’s big of you) but he is religious without truth. I have witnessed to him on numerous occasions, but he prides himself in sticking to the teachings that his grandparents and parents taught him.” (Shiny Mirror Alert!)
“He is idolatrous and smiles with arrogance when he tells me that he follows the Catholic Church over the Bible.” (Shiny Mirror Alert! My eyes! It burns!!)
“He's about 50-years old. One day he will split Hell wide open and find out that God's Word is true and the Catholic Church lied to him. He is going to die in his sins without Christ. He adamantly believes that he is going to Heaven because of his faith AND GOOD WORKS. Adding anything to faith alone in Jesus is a false gospel and a guaranteed road to hellfire (Ephesians 2:8-9)." (GASP! How DARE he? Incidentally, James 2:17: "Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.")
I am saddened that he is going to Hell. He rejoices and drinks beer like water.” (Errr, to be fair, back in the day, Jesus and the disciples probably drank beer the same way; water wasn’t as safe back then as it is now, given the lack of filtration in large cities. They also drank wine. Granted, it was fermented grape juice, so not exactly fancy stuff, but still.)
“He is living it up, like he's never going to die.” (Sounds like a guy who lives life rather than waiting to die, but that’s just me.)
“I am praying for his salvation and won't give up on him, but he has given up on himself. He's a key figure in his parish, St. Jude.” (Oh, well, there you go. The patron saint of lost causes. You were outmatched from the start.)
“I love Catholics as people; but I hate the cult of Catholicism!”
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? -Irish
**
“I have a Catholic neighbor that is stubborn like a mule. He is a good man as far as sinners go, (That’s big of you) but he is religious without truth. I have witnessed to him on numerous occasions, but he prides himself in sticking to the teachings that his grandparents and parents taught him.” (Shiny Mirror Alert!)
“He is idolatrous and smiles with arrogance when he tells me that he follows the Catholic Church over the Bible.” (Shiny Mirror Alert! My eyes! It burns!!)
“He's about 50-years old. One day he will split Hell wide open and find out that God's Word is true and the Catholic Church lied to him. He is going to die in his sins without Christ. He adamantly believes that he is going to Heaven because of his faith AND GOOD WORKS. Adding anything to faith alone in Jesus is a false gospel and a guaranteed road to hellfire (Ephesians 2:8-9)." (GASP! How DARE he? Incidentally, James 2:17: "Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.")
I am saddened that he is going to Hell. He rejoices and drinks beer like water.” (Errr, to be fair, back in the day, Jesus and the disciples probably drank beer the same way; water wasn’t as safe back then as it is now, given the lack of filtration in large cities. They also drank wine. Granted, it was fermented grape juice, so not exactly fancy stuff, but still.)
“He is living it up, like he's never going to die.” (Sounds like a guy who lives life rather than waiting to die, but that’s just me.)
“I am praying for his salvation and won't give up on him, but he has given up on himself. He's a key figure in his parish, St. Jude.” (Oh, well, there you go. The patron saint of lost causes. You were outmatched from the start.)
“I love Catholics as people; but I hate the cult of Catholicism!”
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? -Irish
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
GI: Than Are Dreamt of in Your Philosophy
Gooooooood Evening, y'all. Welcome once again to your daily nugget of mental nourishment that is Genius Idiocy. In this edition, we explore the concept of thinking and using one's brain. And thinking before opening one's mouth.
Or not...
**
Thinking for ourselves is quite dangerous..Would it not, rather, be prudent to seek the Lord and Live?”
In this case I agree with you. Someone like you thinking for yourself could get us all killed.
**
“Newly-wed Roman Catholic couples are being encouraged to say a special prayer together before having sex.
The specially-composed Prayer Before Making Love is aimed at 'purifying their intentions' so the act is not about selfishness or hedonism.”
You’re right. God must have made a mistake by designing sex between consenting adults to be actually enjoyable. Good thing the Vatican came along to clear up the erratum.
**
[From a pro-abstinence blog]
“When you play with fire, there is a 50/50 chance something will go wrong, and nine times out of ten it does.”
And I thought I was bad at math.
**
[Pope releases album for Christmas, litanies and chants in honor of the Virgin Mary.]
“What, pray tell, does MARY have to do with CHRISTmas??? They may as well just change the name to ‘MARYMAS’.”
Well, come on. You know the story. She had something to do with it.
**
Bonus Round!
“But to be fair, I think that in Atheism, you always have to rule out intelligent design and Creator. So, if you are an atheist looking at Mt. Rushmore, you must presume that the Presidents faces appeared as a result of purely natural causes.
While I think there are indeed very tough questions that we as Christians cannot answer, I think Atheism too has it's questions.”
Okay, gimme a minute here to pick myself up off the floor and catch my breath. I want to try and say this with a straight face.
First of all, yes: I completely agree with you that there are indeed tough questions that Christianity, Atheism, and many other religions cannot answer right now. If you had said that at the beginning and simply shut up, you’d have been ahead of the game.
Alas.
Sigh. Gutzon Borglum, American artist and sculptor. Created Mount Rushmore by taking dynamite and blasting the hell out of the Black Hills over the course of fourteen years and inciting the ire of the Lakota Sioux in the process, to whom the government had originally ceded the land in perpetuity. He was neither a God nor imaginary.
And just FYI, none of the heads on Mount Rushmore can talk, either. --Irish
Or not...
**
Thinking for ourselves is quite dangerous..Would it not, rather, be prudent to seek the Lord and Live?”
In this case I agree with you. Someone like you thinking for yourself could get us all killed.
**
“Newly-wed Roman Catholic couples are being encouraged to say a special prayer together before having sex.
The specially-composed Prayer Before Making Love is aimed at 'purifying their intentions' so the act is not about selfishness or hedonism.”
You’re right. God must have made a mistake by designing sex between consenting adults to be actually enjoyable. Good thing the Vatican came along to clear up the erratum.
**
[From a pro-abstinence blog]
“When you play with fire, there is a 50/50 chance something will go wrong, and nine times out of ten it does.”
And I thought I was bad at math.
**
[Pope releases album for Christmas, litanies and chants in honor of the Virgin Mary.]
“What, pray tell, does MARY have to do with CHRISTmas??? They may as well just change the name to ‘MARYMAS’.”
Well, come on. You know the story. She had something to do with it.
**
Bonus Round!
“But to be fair, I think that in Atheism, you always have to rule out intelligent design and Creator. So, if you are an atheist looking at Mt. Rushmore, you must presume that the Presidents faces appeared as a result of purely natural causes.
While I think there are indeed very tough questions that we as Christians cannot answer, I think Atheism too has it's questions.”
Okay, gimme a minute here to pick myself up off the floor and catch my breath. I want to try and say this with a straight face.
First of all, yes: I completely agree with you that there are indeed tough questions that Christianity, Atheism, and many other religions cannot answer right now. If you had said that at the beginning and simply shut up, you’d have been ahead of the game.
Alas.
Sigh. Gutzon Borglum, American artist and sculptor. Created Mount Rushmore by taking dynamite and blasting the hell out of the Black Hills over the course of fourteen years and inciting the ire of the Lakota Sioux in the process, to whom the government had originally ceded the land in perpetuity. He was neither a God nor imaginary.
And just FYI, none of the heads on Mount Rushmore can talk, either. --Irish
Friday, February 04, 2011
GI: Wuv and Mawiage
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Friday edition of Genius Idiocy, where your humble hostess (that's me) takes a big Ibuprofen and a cup of double espresso and heaves a ginormous sigh of relief.
In today's story, an individual of questionable rhetoric and execrable knowledge of history postulates on both the meanings of "marriage" and "tolerance". Maybe the Amazons had the right idea.
“I'm sorry, but the words marriage belong to the Christian religions, as do the words husband (a male) and a wife (a woman), and gay marriage is an infringement of the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.
“Need more info on how the words marriage, husband and wife belong to the Christian religions, just send me an IM and I'll be happy to answer you.
“I stand for freedom of speech, and tolerance is a two-way street.”
Right. Okay. The Constitution, First Amendment: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."
Secondly, I do not think the word “word” means what you think it means.
Marriage: From the Latin Maritatus, in common use centuries before the Christian era. Also see Princess Bride,”mawaige”—just ‘cause it’s a fun movie.
Husband: from the Norse "hus bondi" meaning head of the household. Chauvanistic, maybe. Etymologically sound, yes.
Wife: from the old High German "wib" or possibly Norse "vif". Found in various forms in pagan Europe (ie, before Christianity)
That's it for this week, kids. I'm gonna get an ice pack and lie down. I'm out. --Irish
In today's story, an individual of questionable rhetoric and execrable knowledge of history postulates on both the meanings of "marriage" and "tolerance". Maybe the Amazons had the right idea.
“I'm sorry, but the words marriage belong to the Christian religions, as do the words husband (a male) and a wife (a woman), and gay marriage is an infringement of the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.
“Need more info on how the words marriage, husband and wife belong to the Christian religions, just send me an IM and I'll be happy to answer you.
“I stand for freedom of speech, and tolerance is a two-way street.”
Right. Okay. The Constitution, First Amendment: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."
Secondly, I do not think the word “word” means what you think it means.
Marriage: From the Latin Maritatus, in common use centuries before the Christian era. Also see Princess Bride,”mawaige”—just ‘cause it’s a fun movie.
Husband: from the Norse "hus bondi" meaning head of the household. Chauvanistic, maybe. Etymologically sound, yes.
Wife: from the old High German "wib" or possibly Norse "vif". Found in various forms in pagan Europe (ie, before Christianity)
That's it for this week, kids. I'm gonna get an ice pack and lie down. I'm out. --Irish
Thursday, February 03, 2011
GI: Tidbits of Terror
Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to today's edition of Genius Idiocy, where there are no points and no one gets a prize. First up, a debate. On one side, an idiot. On the other, someone with more than two brain cells in his or her cranial cavity:
“Joaquin, ‘Allahu’ has to mean ‘Allah’, not God. The Muslim chant, which is what this is from, is to Allah, not God. “
["Andy, the word "Allahu" means in Arab "God". It comes from: Al-lâh. "Al" means "the" and "ilah" means "god""]
“Joaquin, I have an open mind about this, but Muslims chant to ‘Allahu’ and they're not chanting to ‘God’, but to ‘Allah’.”
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Next:
“Given that atheistic evolutionary thinking has engendered social Darwinism and given that the proponents of atheism have no rational basis for morality in their ideology, the immoral views that atheists often hold and the low per capita giving of American atheists is not unpredictable.”
I’ll take ‘incomprehensible’ for 1000, Alex.
And finally,
“It is very clever the way Twilight is sneeking into our children. Like the HP books where the parents sacrificed their children to the god of education (importance of reading).”
Yeah. It’d be a shame if they learned how to spell words like “sneaking”.
--Irish
“Joaquin, ‘Allahu’ has to mean ‘Allah’, not God. The Muslim chant, which is what this is from, is to Allah, not God. “
["Andy, the word "Allahu" means in Arab "God". It comes from: Al-lâh. "Al" means "the" and "ilah" means "god""]
“Joaquin, I have an open mind about this, but Muslims chant to ‘Allahu’ and they're not chanting to ‘God’, but to ‘Allah’.”
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Next:
“Given that atheistic evolutionary thinking has engendered social Darwinism and given that the proponents of atheism have no rational basis for morality in their ideology, the immoral views that atheists often hold and the low per capita giving of American atheists is not unpredictable.”
I’ll take ‘incomprehensible’ for 1000, Alex.
And finally,
“It is very clever the way Twilight is sneeking into our children. Like the HP books where the parents sacrificed their children to the god of education (importance of reading).”
Yeah. It’d be a shame if they learned how to spell words like “sneaking”.
--Irish
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
GI: King of the Hill
Hi, everyone. Happy Tuesday, and welcome back to a fun-filled four days of Genius Idiocy. Glad to have you along for the ride.
Re: the Islam On Capitol Hill prayer event. Enjoy.
“This makes me sick to my stomach that this will be happening. I wish thousands of Christians would come out that day and surround them. That would be awesome if that would happen. We need people to go there and pray to the real God! “
Well, it’s the same God, you know. Yawheh, Allah, God…it’s the same guy. Or girl.
“Even though America allows freedom of worship, this event should not be happening in this country! “
…Even though America allows freedom of worship. Right. Continue.
“This event is a desecration of our founding forefathers ideals and beliefs about America. God is not going to be pleased with this!”
See, there’s that thing again. Our founding fathers did not jumpstart America with the power cables of deism. As for God, well…I’d guess He’s probably happy people talk to Him, wherever they may be.
“To those who think we should allow this because of religious freedom...do you really think God would want us to appease them just because it's their right? “
Eh?
“I say NO! God would not want us to compromise our faith! God was at the center of the creation of our country. This is an abomination to America. “
Once again: No. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof. The Constitution. Article I.
“Let the Islamics worship in their own mosques...not at the Capitol!!!”
Islamics?! They’re Muslims. If you’re going to insult someone, at least get the denomination right. And as for the rest of it, if someone said the same thing about banning your religion from a prayer event at the Capitol, you’d be screeching “discrimination”.
But I will concede: such services should be held in an actual house of worship, not in a government building.
That way, everyone can get pissed off about it. --Irish
Re: the Islam On Capitol Hill prayer event. Enjoy.
“This makes me sick to my stomach that this will be happening. I wish thousands of Christians would come out that day and surround them. That would be awesome if that would happen. We need people to go there and pray to the real God! “
Well, it’s the same God, you know. Yawheh, Allah, God…it’s the same guy. Or girl.
“Even though America allows freedom of worship, this event should not be happening in this country! “
…Even though America allows freedom of worship. Right. Continue.
“This event is a desecration of our founding forefathers ideals and beliefs about America. God is not going to be pleased with this!”
See, there’s that thing again. Our founding fathers did not jumpstart America with the power cables of deism. As for God, well…I’d guess He’s probably happy people talk to Him, wherever they may be.
“To those who think we should allow this because of religious freedom...do you really think God would want us to appease them just because it's their right? “
Eh?
“I say NO! God would not want us to compromise our faith! God was at the center of the creation of our country. This is an abomination to America. “
Once again: No. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof. The Constitution. Article I.
“Let the Islamics worship in their own mosques...not at the Capitol!!!”
Islamics?! They’re Muslims. If you’re going to insult someone, at least get the denomination right. And as for the rest of it, if someone said the same thing about banning your religion from a prayer event at the Capitol, you’d be screeching “discrimination”.
But I will concede: such services should be held in an actual house of worship, not in a government building.
That way, everyone can get pissed off about it. --Irish
Friday, January 28, 2011
GI: Thanks to All the Little People
Happy Friday, everyone! To end your week (or start your weekend) with a wee chortle, I happily present the last GI of the week. Don't worry. We will resume our festivities on Monday.
[Re: movie being made about Mohammad. Emphasis mine -- AD]
“What better way to get your belief out there than to make a high quality (money wise) movie and have it done by someone who has made millions from making movies! It's too bad that these big movie makers aren't as interested in doing a big money movie on the life and death of Christ and it's purpose!”
(Ahem): The Greatest Story Ever Told, Jesus: The Man You Thought You Knew, King of Kings, In Search of Historic Jesus, The Last Temptation of Christ, The Messiah, The Robe, Jesus of Nazareth, or The Passion of the Christ. And let’s not forget that Christ trod the boards with Godspell and Jesus Christ Superstar.
Yeah. It's also a crying shame Jesus never got an Oscar, either. Damn that Academy...
[Re: movie being made about Mohammad. Emphasis mine -- AD]
“What better way to get your belief out there than to make a high quality (money wise) movie and have it done by someone who has made millions from making movies! It's too bad that these big movie makers aren't as interested in doing a big money movie on the life and death of Christ and it's purpose!”
(Ahem): The Greatest Story Ever Told, Jesus: The Man You Thought You Knew, King of Kings, In Search of Historic Jesus, The Last Temptation of Christ, The Messiah, The Robe, Jesus of Nazareth, or The Passion of the Christ. And let’s not forget that Christ trod the boards with Godspell and Jesus Christ Superstar.
Yeah. It's also a crying shame Jesus never got an Oscar, either. Damn that Academy...
Thursday, January 27, 2011
GI: Welch's Into Wine
Hi, everyone! It's that time of day I just know you've been waiting for, breath bated, and on the edge of your keyboards: Today's installment of GI. Spelling and punctuation have been left pristine and original, as always.
“Hey Just Sayn. There are 2 types of wine mentioned in the Bible. Fermented wine which contained alcohol and non-fermented wine which was plain grape juice. Jesus never drank fermented wine. His miracle at the wedding feast turned water into grape juice. If you read and understand the Bible you will find out that Jesus forbids drinking alcohol.”
Uhhhh…I think you might be referring to the Koran. In the New Testament, it says in Matthew 11.18:
“The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold a man gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners’.”
He drank. He partied. He even told jokes and danced. Who would have wanted to traipse around Judea for three years with a Gloomy Gus, anyway? --Irish
“Hey Just Sayn. There are 2 types of wine mentioned in the Bible. Fermented wine which contained alcohol and non-fermented wine which was plain grape juice. Jesus never drank fermented wine. His miracle at the wedding feast turned water into grape juice. If you read and understand the Bible you will find out that Jesus forbids drinking alcohol.”
Uhhhh…I think you might be referring to the Koran. In the New Testament, it says in Matthew 11.18:
“The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold a man gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners’.”
He drank. He partied. He even told jokes and danced. Who would have wanted to traipse around Judea for three years with a Gloomy Gus, anyway? --Irish
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
GI: Pomp and Circumstance
[On Obama's winning the Nobel Peace Prize. No corrections except quotation marks – Irish]
“I agree with Bobbi Sanchez If I'm reading and understanding it correctly, it's against the Constitution for him to accept it. Not that he cares about the Constitution.
“ ‘No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States: and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of the Congress,... accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state’. United States Constitution, Article I, Section 9.
“He should have declined it until his Presidency is over and then accept it, like Roosevelt
“Not that I believe he deserves it”
It’s a Nobel prize, not a “noble” title, you nitwit. Also, punctuation is your friend. -- Irish
“I agree with Bobbi Sanchez If I'm reading and understanding it correctly, it's against the Constitution for him to accept it. Not that he cares about the Constitution.
“ ‘No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States: and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of the Congress,... accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state’. United States Constitution, Article I, Section 9.
“He should have declined it until his Presidency is over and then accept it, like Roosevelt
“Not that I believe he deserves it”
It’s a Nobel prize, not a “noble” title, you nitwit. Also, punctuation is your friend. -- Irish
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
GI: Just a Piece of Paper
I don't know how many times y'all have heard this, but it's become a tired and rather feeble argument--if it ever had any vigor at all; that America was founded as a Christian nation:
“This country was founded by men and women who left England so that they could have the freedom to practice CHRISTIANITY apart from the Church of England. It was NOT founded so that everyone could have the freedom to worship the ‘god’ they choose.”
**
Um, well – no. The Puritans left the old country to escape religious persecution and establish a home where they could practice as they saw fit, yes (and were a pretty uptight bunch, to say the least). But the country itself was not founded on Christianity; most of the founding fathers (all male, by the way) were born in the Colonies, and were actually intellectuals advocating the Enlightenment. In fact, Thomas Paine (“Common Sense”) was an atheist, Benjamin Franklin was an agnostic, and even Thomas Jefferson said, “Say nothing of my religion. It is known to God and myself alone...It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." Jefferson didn’t care who you worshiped; he just didn’t want it forced on him.
And besides that, each of the men involved in the drafting and ratification of a certain document put aside whatever religious beliefs they may or may not have held, definitively and firmly drawing a line between--you guessed it--Church and State. As far as they were concerned, the two should never commingle.
Ye Olde Constitution states: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."
American History. Good stuff.
“This country was founded by men and women who left England so that they could have the freedom to practice CHRISTIANITY apart from the Church of England. It was NOT founded so that everyone could have the freedom to worship the ‘god’ they choose.”
**
Um, well – no. The Puritans left the old country to escape religious persecution and establish a home where they could practice as they saw fit, yes (and were a pretty uptight bunch, to say the least). But the country itself was not founded on Christianity; most of the founding fathers (all male, by the way) were born in the Colonies, and were actually intellectuals advocating the Enlightenment. In fact, Thomas Paine (“Common Sense”) was an atheist, Benjamin Franklin was an agnostic, and even Thomas Jefferson said, “Say nothing of my religion. It is known to God and myself alone...It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." Jefferson didn’t care who you worshiped; he just didn’t want it forced on him.
And besides that, each of the men involved in the drafting and ratification of a certain document put aside whatever religious beliefs they may or may not have held, definitively and firmly drawing a line between--you guessed it--Church and State. As far as they were concerned, the two should never commingle.
Ye Olde Constitution states: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."
American History. Good stuff.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
GI: Book Signings in Canaan
[Why are there no contemporary records of Jesus?]
“because the bible was the official book, like how some celebrities today give sole rights for an official biography to one person.”
And you just know Moses and Elijah were pissed they weren’t consulted first or even asked to read the galleys.
“because the bible was the official book, like how some celebrities today give sole rights for an official biography to one person.”
And you just know Moses and Elijah were pissed they weren’t consulted first or even asked to read the galleys.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Genius Idiocy - That Voodoo You Do
"That's the beauty of Heaven... we can leave our brains behind."
I know, that one’s too easy. Here’s another one:
**
“Is there a possibility that Criss Angel, David Copperfield, et.al., have real magical powers? I know they said the tricks they do are just illusions and sleigh of hands... but there are some tricks they did that are just impossible for humans to do. Could they have made a pact with the Devil in exchange for great wealth, fame, and glory?
“In the Bible we read there were sorcerers and magicians in the court of the Pharaoh who duplicated the miraculous feats performed by Moses... such as turning his staff into a live snake. That gives us something to think about. You can go to the Library and find many fictional novels regarding people who sold their souls to the Devil by making a pact with him for worldly fame and glory...hmmm... Could there may be some truth to it?”
No, it’s not the devil. They’re doing the old Jedi Mind Trick.
Seriously. Magicians and illusionists simply use diversion and sleight of hand, and practice, practice, practice until they are very good at it. They focus our attention on one thing while they’re manifesting the illusion somewhere else. They have to be able to command an audience’s attention absolutely and hold it, which takes some badass understanding of psychology, by the way.
Incidentally, a good friend of mine is a Christian illusionist, and I’m fairly sure he’s not in league with Satan. That would kind of go against…well….everything he stands for. If he thought for a moment his job was Satanic in any way, I feel safe in saying he’d stop doing it and apply at the local Taco Bell.
I know, that one’s too easy. Here’s another one:
**
“Is there a possibility that Criss Angel, David Copperfield, et.al., have real magical powers? I know they said the tricks they do are just illusions and sleigh of hands... but there are some tricks they did that are just impossible for humans to do. Could they have made a pact with the Devil in exchange for great wealth, fame, and glory?
“In the Bible we read there were sorcerers and magicians in the court of the Pharaoh who duplicated the miraculous feats performed by Moses... such as turning his staff into a live snake. That gives us something to think about. You can go to the Library and find many fictional novels regarding people who sold their souls to the Devil by making a pact with him for worldly fame and glory...hmmm... Could there may be some truth to it?”
No, it’s not the devil. They’re doing the old Jedi Mind Trick.
Seriously. Magicians and illusionists simply use diversion and sleight of hand, and practice, practice, practice until they are very good at it. They focus our attention on one thing while they’re manifesting the illusion somewhere else. They have to be able to command an audience’s attention absolutely and hold it, which takes some badass understanding of psychology, by the way.
Incidentally, a good friend of mine is a Christian illusionist, and I’m fairly sure he’s not in league with Satan. That would kind of go against…well….everything he stands for. If he thought for a moment his job was Satanic in any way, I feel safe in saying he’d stop doing it and apply at the local Taco Bell.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Pantsless in Galilee
Okay, first Genius Idiocy post! Spelling errors are original.
**
Yves Saint Laurent invented the godless women's pantsuit in 1966. He spent time in psychiatric institutions and was a drug addict. The fact is Saint was no "saint" but a wicked vile sinner who committed an "abomination." Who did more to hurt the women in this world than most. He liberated no one, but instead help to enslave them under the bondage of Satan and his devices. He hlep to tare down the walls of modesty, equal rights, women's lib, and feminity. Pants are a man's clothing and should not be worn by a lady. Pants goes against the Word of God, modesty, virture, womenhood, decency, and God given feminity.
**
--All right, Scotland! "Tare" off those kilts, ‘cause you’re stealing our "feminity", "virture", and symbols of "womenhood". Also, I’m almost absolutely positive that Jesus and his Posse didn’t roam around the Galilee in Wranglers.
**
Yves Saint Laurent invented the godless women's pantsuit in 1966. He spent time in psychiatric institutions and was a drug addict. The fact is Saint was no "saint" but a wicked vile sinner who committed an "abomination." Who did more to hurt the women in this world than most. He liberated no one, but instead help to enslave them under the bondage of Satan and his devices. He hlep to tare down the walls of modesty, equal rights, women's lib, and feminity. Pants are a man's clothing and should not be worn by a lady. Pants goes against the Word of God, modesty, virture, womenhood, decency, and God given feminity.
**
--All right, Scotland! "Tare" off those kilts, ‘cause you’re stealing our "feminity", "virture", and symbols of "womenhood". Also, I’m almost absolutely positive that Jesus and his Posse didn’t roam around the Galilee in Wranglers.
Genius in Idiocy
I have a daily tradition on my FB, Twitter, and blog pages where I post a quote from a favorite writer, philosopher, character, actor, etc. It's a fun way to begin the day. I am now going to add to that a quote at the END of the day, but it requires a disclaimer/explanation. The theme will be, basically, Stupid Things Said by Religious Fanatics. A lot of them are Christian in origin, although many spring from the font of other religious doctrines. I think the reason so many are Christian is because out of all of them, Christian fundamentalists are the least tolerant of all of them, and work themselves into a bigger lather than the Scrubbing Bubbles on a sugar high.
I myself am not a churchgoer, and follow no specific dogma; my belief is that there are many roads to God, whoever or whatever He/She/It might be. My thinking is that all religions and doctrines have valid points and valuable lessons, and often cock an eyebrow when I see two opposing philosophies advocating the same thing, wondering if they know how much they''re in agreement.
I'm an agnostic; I think that there is very possibly something out there that is greater than us, but I also think I'm not omniscient enough to know what that might be. I'm also a student of history and philosophy, of gnosticism and theology; I question, I ruminate, I debate. I have no problem at all with others choosing to follow a particular faith, creed, doctrine, or secular religion; in fact, I enjoy discussing it with them--as adults, in a mature, non-judgmental and intelligent manner.
What I have a problem with is stupidity and hypocrisy. So, please don't take offense to upcoming posts; or, if you do, understand I'm not attacking your religion. I'm pointing a finger at the individual quoted as a prime candidate for Idiot of the Year award--those people who take a religion and give it a bad name for everyone else associated with it.
Danke. You may now resume your regularly scheduled programming.
I myself am not a churchgoer, and follow no specific dogma; my belief is that there are many roads to God, whoever or whatever He/She/It might be. My thinking is that all religions and doctrines have valid points and valuable lessons, and often cock an eyebrow when I see two opposing philosophies advocating the same thing, wondering if they know how much they''re in agreement.
I'm an agnostic; I think that there is very possibly something out there that is greater than us, but I also think I'm not omniscient enough to know what that might be. I'm also a student of history and philosophy, of gnosticism and theology; I question, I ruminate, I debate. I have no problem at all with others choosing to follow a particular faith, creed, doctrine, or secular religion; in fact, I enjoy discussing it with them--as adults, in a mature, non-judgmental and intelligent manner.
What I have a problem with is stupidity and hypocrisy. So, please don't take offense to upcoming posts; or, if you do, understand I'm not attacking your religion. I'm pointing a finger at the individual quoted as a prime candidate for Idiot of the Year award--those people who take a religion and give it a bad name for everyone else associated with it.
Danke. You may now resume your regularly scheduled programming.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Because It's There
Along with Stephen Fry, Brian Blessed is one of the best things Britain ever invented. In May of 2008 he guest-hosted an episode of the satirical program "Have I Got News For You", and in the inevitable Blessed MO, completely upended the format, defenestrated the script, and left the rest of the panel disintegrating in either helpless laughter or hapless confusion.
Poor Paul Merton had no idea what hit him, and conservative MP Alan Duncan was left gasping for breath after hearing what has to be one of the most inglorious stories of an Everest climb. Whenever you need a giggle, stop on over here and press "Play".
(From the BBC's "Have I Got News For You")
Poor Paul Merton had no idea what hit him, and conservative MP Alan Duncan was left gasping for breath after hearing what has to be one of the most inglorious stories of an Everest climb. Whenever you need a giggle, stop on over here and press "Play".
(From the BBC's "Have I Got News For You")
Friday, November 19, 2010
Wait for it...Waiiiit for it....
I have friends who are reporters and anchors with various affiliates. It's often funny when things screw up, but it can be absolutely hysterical when they literally implode. WGN never disappoints.
(From WGN News)
(From WGN News)
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Running on Empty...But at Least I'm Not This Guy
I am SO sorry not to have posted in awhile; my jobs have been keeping me very busy burning candles at every end. Currently I'm learning of this concept called "Weekends", during which I hear people actually relax and don't work. It's a strange custom, but I've tried it a few times and think I could learn to like it.
Not much to say today, so I will instead let the great Stephen Fry do the honors. He hosts a wonderful quiz show on BBC called "QI", and it's more than your average game show. The people who grace the panel each night are actually smart folk who know a thing or two about the world. But even these enlightened and erudite luminaries get stumped every once in a while. And everyone who either watches or guests on the show runs the risk of learning something new. Have fun watching this. It'll boggle your mind, appall you, and at the same time make you laugh.
(From BBC's "QI")
Not much to say today, so I will instead let the great Stephen Fry do the honors. He hosts a wonderful quiz show on BBC called "QI", and it's more than your average game show. The people who grace the panel each night are actually smart folk who know a thing or two about the world. But even these enlightened and erudite luminaries get stumped every once in a while. And everyone who either watches or guests on the show runs the risk of learning something new. Have fun watching this. It'll boggle your mind, appall you, and at the same time make you laugh.
(From BBC's "QI")
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
We're All Born Ignorant, But One Must Work Hard to Remain Stupid (B. Franklin)
...However, I somehow think that these folks came by it naturally. I can't imagine maintaining this level of idiocy and actually putting effort into it.
Ladies and Gentlemen: These are the people in charge of running the country. Remember when Jay Leno was likeable and he had that little skit on his show--"Jaywalking"? I used to almost fall over in disbelief when I heard the utterly inane and brain-dead responses to basic questions from average Americans. Wait, scratch that. If they'd been average, they might have actually gotten the answer right to: "What are the words to the 'Star-Spangled Banner'?"
Oh, but this is much worse. These are people who, by some twist of universal anarchy, got elected to office. They're in charge of who gets money, when they get it, whether or not school and social programs will continue or not, and vote themselves raises. I'm completely in the wrong line of work.
You may need a face mask to protect yourself from the odiferousness. This kind of shit just seems to spread without quarter. I don't know who compiled these gems -- it wasn't me--but if they would like credit, I will joyfully give it to them.
A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is
in trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts.''
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa .''
His response -- click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the
state..
He replied, 'Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a
very thin state!'' (OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is
it possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said 'FAT', and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, I looked into it. (I was dying laughing.) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. Is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.
8. An aide for Senator John Kerry (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from AL who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on
them.''
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
11. Mary Landrieu (D) LA Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have
one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a 'Rhino' anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the State of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo, do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
They are among us. They have offspring. They have driver's licenses. I'm going to go dig a hole, jump in, and take some Gatorade with me.
Irish
Ladies and Gentlemen: These are the people in charge of running the country. Remember when Jay Leno was likeable and he had that little skit on his show--"Jaywalking"? I used to almost fall over in disbelief when I heard the utterly inane and brain-dead responses to basic questions from average Americans. Wait, scratch that. If they'd been average, they might have actually gotten the answer right to: "What are the words to the 'Star-Spangled Banner'?"
Oh, but this is much worse. These are people who, by some twist of universal anarchy, got elected to office. They're in charge of who gets money, when they get it, whether or not school and social programs will continue or not, and vote themselves raises. I'm completely in the wrong line of work.
You may need a face mask to protect yourself from the odiferousness. This kind of shit just seems to spread without quarter. I don't know who compiled these gems -- it wasn't me--but if they would like credit, I will joyfully give it to them.
A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is
in trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts.''
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa .''
His response -- click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the
state..
He replied, 'Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a
very thin state!'' (OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is
it possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said 'FAT', and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, I looked into it. (I was dying laughing.) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. Is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.
8. An aide for Senator John Kerry (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from AL who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on
them.''
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
11. Mary Landrieu (D) LA Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have
one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a 'Rhino' anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the State of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo, do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
They are among us. They have offspring. They have driver's licenses. I'm going to go dig a hole, jump in, and take some Gatorade with me.
Irish
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Lost Without LOST
I loved LOST. I miss LOST. But it's nice to know that I'm not the only geek out there who revels in the geekdom. We don't wanna let go. Which is good, you see, because the stuff geeks come up with is way better than most of the crap that's on television these days. I miss Hurley and Sawyer. I miss Michael Giacchino's epic music. I even miss the Smoke Monster.
This is hilarious.
(From Newsweek and ABC Television's LOST; Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, producers)
This is hilarious.
(From Newsweek and ABC Television's LOST; Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, producers)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
It's Got Juice
My Mom sent this to me. Only in New York, folks.
(Update: Since the original post, I've learned that this is a group of actors/performers who routinely invade public places and joyfully flummox their fellow citizens with displays of song, dance, and general buffoonery on a level not seen since television's Fame. Love it!)
(Update: Since the original post, I've learned that this is a group of actors/performers who routinely invade public places and joyfully flummox their fellow citizens with displays of song, dance, and general buffoonery on a level not seen since television's Fame. Love it!)
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Maybe I Should Emigrate to New Zealand
It just hurts less to laugh than to cry. Read on, and brace yourselves. I did not research or compile the following examples of The Next Generation's utter and complete hopelessness, but I wish I had. If and when I find the person responsible for raising the alarm, I will most readily give credit.
The following questions were set in last year's GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you be after you be eight (brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
The following questions were set in last year's GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you be after you be eight (brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Friday Frivolity
I was originally going to write a spleen-venting post about the do-si-do Congress is playing with HR 4312, but you know, I'm just too tired to get that pissed off. Besides, I'd rather start the weekend with a smile than a growl. So, for your viewing pleasure, may I introduce Maru. He's a happy cat living in Japan, and his owner somehow captures the most darling video of him. Whenever I need a smile or a good belly laugh, he always comes through. Enjoy.
(Credit for the preceding video belongs to the Amazing Maru and his Person.)
(Credit for the preceding video belongs to the Amazing Maru and his Person.)
Friday, June 04, 2010
All Dogs Go to Heaven...
...Where, in some future time and place, they'll be waiting to see us again.
Jorge's beloved Nunu died on Monday after having been hit by a car. She was a happy, loved, and loving companion to him and Beth, and they doted on their little morsel. Who wouldn't, with that face?
One day, I believe they'll see her again. After all, there is no "now" there...
Namaste, Nunu. We love you.
(Photo by Jorge Garcia)
One day, I believe they'll see her again. After all, there is no "now" there...
Namaste, Nunu. We love you.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
All the News That's Fit to Print
Jorge Garcia had a rather scandalous picture on his blog yesterday...so I joked that if the tabloids got hold of it, he was in trouble with Nunu. Me being who I am, I figured I'd get the jump on them. After all, I am a writer. And I was a publicist. And I'm Irish with a seasoning of Spanish, which means I have a warped sense of humor. But thank God I never had to stoop to actually working for a real tabloid.
(Canine and Garcia photos belong to Jorge Garcia, except for drunk Chihuahua, which is from an unknown source. Cowboy photo is also from Unknown Source, but your friendly Irish Girl will be pleased to offer credit to the authentic owners of these images, if they really want them.)
(Canine and Garcia photos belong to Jorge Garcia, except for drunk Chihuahua, which is from an unknown source. Cowboy photo is also from Unknown Source, but your friendly Irish Girl will be pleased to offer credit to the authentic owners of these images, if they really want them.)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Something to Smile About
I just love this video. Dunno why. It just makes me smile.
(All credit and deference to DreamWorks, Puss, and Antonio Banderas. Some credit to Nancy Sinatra.)
(All credit and deference to DreamWorks, Puss, and Antonio Banderas. Some credit to Nancy Sinatra.)
The World That Woke
Ninety-Eight years ago on this date, the Titanic sank.
The morning of April 15, 1912 marked the beginning of a harsher, more hardened outlook on life by a society that had suffered a devastating blow. It was hard not to be cynical; a goddess had been toppled on her maiden voyage--a goddess that had been built over four years by the love and mastery of Irish shipbuilders, conceived by the demigods of the time, and borne into solid reality with the finest minds in construction, innovation, and engineering. No wonder people had so much confidence in her; she was a stunning, sleek, luxurious behemoth who carried such luminaries of the day that it seemed ludicrous that anything could possibly go awry.
Even now, most people think that those who perished on Titanic drowned. Not so. The majority of them died of hypothermia. The waters of the North Atlantic are paralyzingly frigid, and in April, the bergs are thawing after a long winter's sleep, breaking free and sliding in to drift along the massive currents. It's like dropping an ice cube into a drink, only on such a leviathan scale that it's almost incomprehensible to imagine being submerged in it. But the passengers, desperate to escape the groaning tonnage of iron in its final death throes, found out very quickly just how devastating it was to the human body. At the end, when the ship rose out of the water at a terrifyingly steep angle, it was impossible to hold on any more.
It was only at daybreak, in the light of the morning sun, that Rostron saw the ocean was littered with bergs--small and large--through which he had steamed over the previous hours. "I shuddered," he said, "and could only think that some other hand than mine was on the helm that night."
The arrival of the Carpathia was almost too good to be true for the survivors who had endured the cold, shock, and uncertainty of the night. Passengers aboard the rescue liners gave up their own cabins in order to house the refugees, and when the last was rescued, Rostron turned for New York, leaving the now-aware Californian to keep looking for more survivors, if any.
Let the Truth be known, no ship is unsinkable. The bigger the ship, the easier it is to sink her. I learned long ago that if you design how a ship’ll sink, you can keep her afloat. I proposed all the watertight compartments and the double hull to slow these ships from sinking. In that way, you get everyone off. There’s time for help to arrive, and the ship’s less likely to break apart and kill someone while she’s going down." -Thomas Andrews, Managing Director of Harland and Wolff Shipyards
The RMS Titanic departing from Southampton, England for the first--and last--time, April 10, 1912.
In 1912, steamship was the mode of overseas travel, and the Atlantic shipping lines were veritable freeways of steel hulls and massive engines traversing the divide between Europe and America. These were the last days of the Golden Age, the Age of Innocence--when men dressed in silk hats and fine cravats and ladies wore corsets and gloves as a matter of course. Immigration from the Old Country to the New World was in a boom; hundreds of thousands made the long journey with little more than what they could carry on their backs, brimming with optimism at the promise of starting anew in a prosperous land that welcomed everyone. To do it on the most famous, the most beautiful, and the largest liner ever built was something of a coup, even for the third-class passengers. It was a marvel of human ingenuity: miles of deck and cabins and luxurious recreational facilities, restaurants, even a Turkish bath. You could walk the length and breadth of it and still not cover the same ground each time. Even Charles Lightoller, the Second Officer, said that it took him nearly two weeks to navigate its layout with any confidence, and he was a veteran of many voyages and many ships. Such was the immensity of Titanic that it seemed nothing could ever hurt it.
The whole period was full of optimism, full of supreme confidence in the domination of man over any and all obstacles, including nature. Looking back in hindsight, we might judge society then as being almost naively arrogant, almost asking for a good ass-whooping. Hubris is something we usually only see after the fact, while we're picking up the pieces of the latest disaster. It was no different on that night, when over 1500 people died in the cold water of the Atlantic, and a world was paralyzed by shock, disbelief, and grief."The history of the R.M.S. Titanic of the White Star Line, is one of the most tragically short it is possible to conceive. The world had waited expectantly for its launching and again for it's sailing; had read accounts of its tremendous size and its unexampled completeness and luxury; had felt it a matter of the greatest satisfaction that such a comfortable and above all such a safe boat had been designed and built- the "unsinkable lifeboat"- and then in a moment to hear that it had gone to the bottom as if it had been the veriest tramp steamer of a few hundred tons; and with it fifteen hundred passengers, some of them known all the world over! The improbability of such a thing ever happening was what staggered humanity."
-Lawrence Beesley, Titanic Survivor
"There was peace, and the world had an even tenor to it's way. Nothing was revealed in the morning the trend of which was not known the night before. It seems to me that the disaster about to occur was the event that not only made the world rub it's eyes and awake, but woke it with a start, keeping it moving at a rapidly accelerating pace ever since with less and less peace, satisfaction and happiness. To my mind the world of today awoke April 15th, 1912."I don't need to go into the specifics of the sinking--unless you've been wrapped in cotton wadding and sealed inside a hyperbaric chamber all your life, you know how it all happened. How there were so many "ifs". If the crew hadn't misplaced the binoculars. If the captain hadn't gone to bed early that night. If the radio operators had relayed the iceberg warnings more quickly to the bridge. If the Californian hadn't turned their radio off. If J. Bruce Ismay hadn't insisted on increasing speed across an ice-infested course. If the Titanic had changed course. If Frederick Fleet had seen the iceberg just an instant sooner; if the bridge had hit the berg head-on instead of sideways. If Thomas Anderson had won the fight to have more lifeboats on deck. If, if, if.
-Jack B. Thayer, Titanic Survivor
"I still think about the 'might have beens' about the Titanic; that's what stirs me more then anything else. Things that happened that wouldn't have happened if only one thing had gone better for her. If only, so many if onlys. If only she had enough lifeboats. If only the watertight compartments had been higher. If only she had paid attention to the ice that night. If only the Californian did come. The 'if only' kept coming up again and again and that makes the ship more then the experience of studying a disaster. It becomes a haunting experience to me, it's the haunting experience of 'if only'." -Walter Lord, Titanic historian and authorNone of that mattered, of course, to those who followed Titanic to the bottom, two miles below the surface. Or to the survivors, who struggled with grief and guilt for the rest of their lives. Some endured international and unforgiving censure--most particularly J. Bruce Ismay, Chairman and Managing Director of the White Star Line, who climbed aboard one of the last lifeboats at the very end and paid for it until he died a quarter-century later. He defended himself at the inquest, insistent that he had done nothing wrong.
"What do you think I am? Do you believe that I'm the sort that would have left that ship as long as there were any women and children on board? That's the thing that hurts, and it hurts all the more because it is so false and baseless. I have searched my mind with deepest care, I have thought long over each single incident that I could recall of that wreck. I'm sure that nothing wrong was done; that I did nothing that I should not have done. My conscience is clear and I have not been a lenient judge of my own acts." -- J. Bruce IsmayCertainly Stanley Lord, captain of the Californian, whom the world blamed for retiring early and leaving the Titanic's increasingly desperate calls for help unheeded, was regarded as a pariah and, if not heartless, a bumbling goon. It didn't matter, in the aftermath, that he had rushed to join the Carpathia the next morning, as soon as he heard of the sinking. He never recovered from the debacle of blame and recrimination and retired, in disgrace, never to sail again.
The morning of April 15, 1912 marked the beginning of a harsher, more hardened outlook on life by a society that had suffered a devastating blow. It was hard not to be cynical; a goddess had been toppled on her maiden voyage--a goddess that had been built over four years by the love and mastery of Irish shipbuilders, conceived by the demigods of the time, and borne into solid reality with the finest minds in construction, innovation, and engineering. No wonder people had so much confidence in her; she was a stunning, sleek, luxurious behemoth who carried such luminaries of the day that it seemed ludicrous that anything could possibly go awry.
"I thought her unsinkable and I based my opinion on the best expert advice."
-Phillip Franklin, White Star Line Vice President
"You weren’t there at my first meeting with Ismay. To see the little red marks all over the blueprints. First thing I thought was: ‘Now here’s a man who wants me to build him a ship that’s gonna be sunk.’ We’re sending gilded egg shells out to sea."
-Thomas Andrews, Managing Director of Harland and Wolff Shipyards
Control your Irish passions, Thomas. Your uncle here tells me you proposed 64 lifeboats and he had to pull your arm to get you down to 32. Now, I will remind you just as I reminded him these are my ships. And, according to our contract, I have final say on the design. I’ll not have so many little boats, as you call them, cluttering up my decks and putting fear into my passengers."
-J. Bruce Ismay, Director of the White Star Line
"The press is calling these ships unsinkable and Ismay’s leadin’ the chorus. It’s just not true."To his credit, poor Thomas Anderson tried. He really did. He was an excellent design engineer who would constantly carry around a little notebook, marking down improvements and correcting flaws right up to the day of sailing. He was onboard the Titanic, and was jotting stuff down even then, when most engineers would have sat back and basked in the glory of their accomplishment. He lamented the fact that he had been overruled on his proposition to carry more lifeboats--a decision he regretted not fighting harder, even as the ship was sinking underneath him--and one that the White Star Line never lived down. It was also the decision that prompted a maritime law stating exactly that--each ship had to carry enough lifeboats for ever single soul on board. No exceptions. Andrews would have applauded that, if he had lived, though I think he would have been bitter at the fact that over a thousand people had to die to make it so.
-Thomas Andrews, Managing Director of Harland and Wolff Shipyards
Even now, most people think that those who perished on Titanic drowned. Not so. The majority of them died of hypothermia. The waters of the North Atlantic are paralyzingly frigid, and in April, the bergs are thawing after a long winter's sleep, breaking free and sliding in to drift along the massive currents. It's like dropping an ice cube into a drink, only on such a leviathan scale that it's almost incomprehensible to imagine being submerged in it. But the passengers, desperate to escape the groaning tonnage of iron in its final death throes, found out very quickly just how devastating it was to the human body. At the end, when the ship rose out of the water at a terrifyingly steep angle, it was impossible to hold on any more.
"Just then the ship took a slight but definite plunge - probably a bulkhead went - and the sea came rolling along up in a wave, over the steel fronted bridge, along the deck below us, washing the people back in a dreadful huddled mass. Those that didn't disappear under the water right away, instinctively started to clamber up that part of the deck still out of water, and work their way towards the stern, which was rising steadily out of the water as the bow went down. It was a sight that doesn't bear dwelling on - to stand there, above the wheelhouse, and on our quarters, watching the frantic struggles to climb up the sloping deck, utterly unable to even hold out a helping hand."
-Charles Lightoller, Second Officer aboard Titanic
"Striking the water was like a thousand knives being driven into one's body. The temperature was 28 degrees, four degrees below freezing."That's the kind of temperature that will kill you in minutes, and they didn't have survival suits back in the day. Most people didn't even know how to swim. Those passengers fortunate enough to find floating debris or a remaining capsized lifeboat clung on for dear life, hoping that help would arrive before they succumbed. Those passengers even more fortunate to have boarded lifeboats two hours earlier floated a distance off, unwilling to return and help those in the water, screaming for someone to return and pull them out. It was a sound that haunted survivors ever after.
-Charles Lightoller, Second Officer aboard Titanic
The agonizing cries of death from over a thousand throats, the wails and groans of the suffering, the shrieks of the terror-tricken and the awful gaspings for breath of those in the last throes of drowning, none of us will ever forget to our dying day."
-Colonel Archibald Gracie, Titanic Survivor
"The sounds of people drowning are something that I can not describe to you, and neither can anyone else. Its the most dreadful sound and there is a terrible silence that follows it."
-Eva Hart, Titanic Survivor
"The partly filled lifeboat standing by about 100 yards away never came back. Why on Earth they never came back is a mystery. How could any human being fail to heed those cries."The Cunard Line Carpathia charged steaming through the early morning hours towards Titanic's last known position, 58 miles away. His was the only ship in the vicinity besides the long-suspected Californian, and even then he was nearly four hours away. Captain Arthur Rostron had ordered an immediate change of course as soon as he heard of the disaster and, mindful of what had befallen the Titanic, put extra lookouts on the bow of the ship, scanning anxiously for more icebergs even as he rushed at a then-breakneck speed towards the survivors.
-Jack B. Thayer, Titanic Survivor
"Icebergs loomed up and fell astern and we never slackened. It was an anxious time with the Titanic's fateful experience very close in our minds. There were 700 souls on Carpathia and those lives as well as the survivors of the Titanic herself depended on the sudden turn of the wheel."
-Captain Arthur H. Rostron, Commander of Carpathia
It was only at daybreak, in the light of the morning sun, that Rostron saw the ocean was littered with bergs--small and large--through which he had steamed over the previous hours. "I shuddered," he said, "and could only think that some other hand than mine was on the helm that night."
The arrival of the Carpathia was almost too good to be true for the survivors who had endured the cold, shock, and uncertainty of the night. Passengers aboard the rescue liners gave up their own cabins in order to house the refugees, and when the last was rescued, Rostron turned for New York, leaving the now-aware Californian to keep looking for more survivors, if any.
By the time the Carpathia arrived in New York Harbor, the entire world of course had heard of the disaster, but hoped against hope that it was only a rumor, or at least that most had survived. But instead of a triumphant liner completing her maiden voyage and docking in her designated sloop, only the lifeboats were lowered in tribute to the water--the last remains, as it were. Then it was real.
The sixteen lifeboats at Titanic's empty dock in New York Harbor.
The infamous bow of the Titanic, where it has rested for 98 years, two miles below the Atlantic surface.
Saturday, March 06, 2010
You Say Potato
I got the same chain email from a few people this week; it was a photo of President Obama carrying a book entitled "The Post-American World" by Fareed Zakaria.
In the email, the original sender (whoever he or she is) urged friends to forward the image on to their email lists, intending to "bring the bugger down through the internet". The email went on to say:
Sheesh.
Now, I'm a fervent believer in expressing one's opinion--even if I disagree with that opinion. These individuals have a perfect right to say what they wish about Zakaria's book or the fact that Obama was reading it--back in the summer of '08, by the way--before he was even president. They even have the right to point out that Zakaria is Muslim, although I find that distinction rather unnecessary and churlish and smacking of bigotry. However, what I do have a problem with is people expressing opinions based on erroneous assumptions or misinterpretation.
In the email, the original sender (whoever he or she is) urged friends to forward the image on to their email lists, intending to "bring the bugger down through the internet". The email went on to say:
THIS WILL CURDLE YOUR BLOOD AND CURL YOUR HAIR
"Post" America means the world After America! Please forward this picture to everyone you know, conservative or liberal. We must expose Obama's radical ideas and his intent to bring down our beloved America!
Sheesh.
Now, I'm a fervent believer in expressing one's opinion--even if I disagree with that opinion. These individuals have a perfect right to say what they wish about Zakaria's book or the fact that Obama was reading it--back in the summer of '08, by the way--before he was even president. They even have the right to point out that Zakaria is Muslim, although I find that distinction rather unnecessary and churlish and smacking of bigotry. However, what I do have a problem with is people expressing opinions based on erroneous assumptions or misinterpretation.
"The Post-American World" is NOT about the world after America has been "brought down". It is a treatise/thesis on the impact of the United States' in fostering global democracy, and how other countries have taken up the US model in economics, industry, and cultural development as a free society. It also talks about how America has been the foremost world power for over a century, and how other countries such as China have risen to become powers in their own right in a post-industrialized and more global society. One day, the United States may be neck-and neck with China in terms of world influence and power; Western civilization, and to a great extent, America, has had a huge impact on that development. What I understood from reading Zakaria's work is that this book is not about the fall of the United States. It's about the progress and growth of--well, everyone else, and what the US role in a world of equals or near-equals may be. A quote from the book:
The world is moving from anger to indifference, from anti-Americanism to post-Americanism. The fact that new powers are more strongly asserting their interests is the reality of the post-American world. It also raises the political conundrum of how to achieve international objectives in a world of many actors, state and nonstate.
Far from being a book calling for US annihilation, it holds the US as being a primary force for development and stability in the modern era that is being emulated by other countries and societies. Ultimately, with such growth, it would be optimal for those developing and increasingly influential societies to act in concert to achieve common goals that affect the entire planet.
Zakaria, a Muslim, is a naturalized US citizen of Indian descent. Growing up in India, he had an extremely open and secular upbringing, singing Christian hymns at school as well as celebrating both Hindu and Muslim holidays. (Frankly, it doesn't matter to me if he sang Irish Shanty songs and worshipped the Greek pantheon.) He is a graduate of Yale University with a Ph.D. in political science from Harvard University. He was also editor of Newsweek International and wrote a famous cover essay for the publication after the 9/11 attacks entitled, "Why They Hate Us". His argument was that Islamic extremism's roots lay in dysfunction and stagnation of the Arab world--people clinging ferociously to the old ways of doing things and smothering their own growth with anger and rage.
In that article, he defended the US and called for more inter-generational efforts in the Muslim world to create more open, dynamic, and fluid Arab societies--insisting that Islam should be brought into the modern world, and not remain stuck in the fugue of fundamentalist violence begat by antiquated laws, fear of change, and archaic, literal interpretation of the Koran.
If you would like to read that article, try this link: The Politics of Rage
Other books by Zakaria include: From Wealth to Power: the Unusual Origins of America's World Role, and The Future of Freedom. He was co-editor of The American Encounter: The United States and the Making of the Modern World. He is a prolific and respected commentator and writer on international relations, trade relations, and American foreign policy.
The day we become anti-American for reading a book, we're in deep trouble. And the old adage applies here...don't judge the book by its cover. Let's at least find out what's between the pages before condemning it.
Zakaria, a Muslim, is a naturalized US citizen of Indian descent. Growing up in India, he had an extremely open and secular upbringing, singing Christian hymns at school as well as celebrating both Hindu and Muslim holidays. (Frankly, it doesn't matter to me if he sang Irish Shanty songs and worshipped the Greek pantheon.) He is a graduate of Yale University with a Ph.D. in political science from Harvard University. He was also editor of Newsweek International and wrote a famous cover essay for the publication after the 9/11 attacks entitled, "Why They Hate Us". His argument was that Islamic extremism's roots lay in dysfunction and stagnation of the Arab world--people clinging ferociously to the old ways of doing things and smothering their own growth with anger and rage.
In that article, he defended the US and called for more inter-generational efforts in the Muslim world to create more open, dynamic, and fluid Arab societies--insisting that Islam should be brought into the modern world, and not remain stuck in the fugue of fundamentalist violence begat by antiquated laws, fear of change, and archaic, literal interpretation of the Koran.
If you would like to read that article, try this link: The Politics of Rage
Other books by Zakaria include: From Wealth to Power: the Unusual Origins of America's World Role, and The Future of Freedom. He was co-editor of The American Encounter: The United States and the Making of the Modern World. He is a prolific and respected commentator and writer on international relations, trade relations, and American foreign policy.
The day we become anti-American for reading a book, we're in deep trouble. And the old adage applies here...don't judge the book by its cover. Let's at least find out what's between the pages before condemning it.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Sucked (heh) In
I am mortified at myself. Truly aghast. Shamed. I can no longer hold my head up and face my friends and family.
I started reading the Twilight saga.
My background as an English major and a reader of erudition has taken a nosedive into the morass of popular culture, and for that I am chagrined. But you know, I have to admit--grudgingly--that it's a pretty darn good story. Not the best written novel I've ever come across, but the story...surprisingly compelling. I've been avoiding the whole Twilight-Edward Cullen-Robert Pattinson frenzy ever since the books came out, and then when the film debuted--Well, I sniffed, I just don't see the point. Wasn't it some kind of teen/tween-oriented bullshit anyway?
Silly me. Never turn your nose up at anything, chilluns. You might find yourself eating your words with a side salad and a glass of wine.
Off to read now. And yeah, I've already seen the first movie. Waiting for the second one to come out on DVD.....
Sigh.
Irish
I started reading the Twilight saga.
My background as an English major and a reader of erudition has taken a nosedive into the morass of popular culture, and for that I am chagrined. But you know, I have to admit--grudgingly--that it's a pretty darn good story. Not the best written novel I've ever come across, but the story...surprisingly compelling. I've been avoiding the whole Twilight-Edward Cullen-Robert Pattinson frenzy ever since the books came out, and then when the film debuted--Well, I sniffed, I just don't see the point. Wasn't it some kind of teen/tween-oriented bullshit anyway?
Silly me. Never turn your nose up at anything, chilluns. You might find yourself eating your words with a side salad and a glass of wine.
Off to read now. And yeah, I've already seen the first movie. Waiting for the second one to come out on DVD.....
Sigh.
Irish
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Coyote Uglies
Poor Jessica Simpson. Her adorable little Malti-Poo was snatched by a coyote and likely made the entree for that night's dinner. She put out flyers, offered a reward, even hired a petfinding agency in the slim hope that maybe little Daisy might have survived and was trying to find her way home. A lot of people evidently made fun of Simpson for that, which I think is cruel. Vain though the hope was that her dog lived, I can understand it. If anything like that ever happened to Billy, I'd be out of my mind with grief. We all deal with it in different ways. My hope is that at least Daisy's death was a quick one.
Coyotes are a big problem here in the southwest. Just the other day, one of my own neighbors lost her cat to one. The beast came right into her backyard. Poor Deb tried to fight the coyote even as it had the cat in its teeth, and got her arms scratched all to hell and back during the struggle. The coyote won, unfortunately.
Although they're primarily nocturnal hunters--like javelina--I'm very careful about letting Billy out on his lead line. Nowadays we get up early enough that the sun is just rising, and there's still a risk of predators trying to get a last meal in before they tuck in for the day. I've taken to going outside with Billy, coffee in one hand and my big, heavy walking stick in the other. I'll bash the hell out of any coyote or javelina that tries to go after him.
I'll have another post going up--hopefully later today--about another topic. There's a little movie a couple of friends of mine made, and yours truly is the publicist. So I'm using my blog, Facebook, and Twitter pages as extra ammunition, along with my arsenal of Rolodex numbers and emails to various editors and media managers. I spent part of last week sending the usual press releases and calls out to promote the film's nomination at Chicago Horror Fest. It's called "From a Place of Darkness", and it's an excellent film. Not your usual slasher-masher-bloody-gorefest.
Until I post the entry, go check out this link: From A Place of Darkness
Ta, everyone! See ya later...
Coyotes are a big problem here in the southwest. Just the other day, one of my own neighbors lost her cat to one. The beast came right into her backyard. Poor Deb tried to fight the coyote even as it had the cat in its teeth, and got her arms scratched all to hell and back during the struggle. The coyote won, unfortunately.
Although they're primarily nocturnal hunters--like javelina--I'm very careful about letting Billy out on his lead line. Nowadays we get up early enough that the sun is just rising, and there's still a risk of predators trying to get a last meal in before they tuck in for the day. I've taken to going outside with Billy, coffee in one hand and my big, heavy walking stick in the other. I'll bash the hell out of any coyote or javelina that tries to go after him.
I'll have another post going up--hopefully later today--about another topic. There's a little movie a couple of friends of mine made, and yours truly is the publicist. So I'm using my blog, Facebook, and Twitter pages as extra ammunition, along with my arsenal of Rolodex numbers and emails to various editors and media managers. I spent part of last week sending the usual press releases and calls out to promote the film's nomination at Chicago Horror Fest. It's called "From a Place of Darkness", and it's an excellent film. Not your usual slasher-masher-bloody-gorefest.
Until I post the entry, go check out this link: From A Place of Darkness
Ta, everyone! See ya later...
Saturday, September 05, 2009
The Week that Was
You know how it's said that everything happens in threes? Well, the universe sure kicked my ass this week. Horrible seven days for me. I really thought at one point I was going to have some sort of meltdown, dive under the covers in a foetal position and just stay there until...well, ever.
Monday morning I wake up to the cheery revelation that my refrigerator had broken down. My freezer had defrosted itself, and water was dripping into my crisper drawer at an alarming rate. I tried everything; checked the outlet, checked the fuse box, switched the breakers on and off--no go. The fridge light works, so I know it's getting power, but the motor wasn't running. So that morning consisted of running round frantically, dumping my freezer food into a neighbor's unit next door, cleaning up the mess in the fridge, and loading my cooler with ice so that I could salvage what was left. You know how much RV refrigerators cost retail? It's astronomical--$1500 or so. And they're hard to find secondhand. I just about cried.
Then on Tuesday I find that my stinkin' bank overdrafted me because I was four cents short on a purchase. Yeah, you read that right. Four lousy pennies. And so I got nailed with several $35 NSF fees, because of course everything else that posted after the first overdraft...was short. I'm dumping them this time. I've had enough of that crap from them. Being charged that much money for such a small error is ridiculous, and the banks are legally executing robbery. I'm just done. And I had to hoard what money I had left this week after paying bills.
So after about a day or two of panic and another day of sulking, I set about attempting to find ways of resolving these issues. Shot off a letter to the CEO of my bank, just to make myself feel better, though I don't know if it'll do me any good. Figured out a budget so that I can pay back the overdrafts, and started working on getting new jobs so that maybe I can either fix my fridge or buy a new/used one. A friend of mine in a neighboring town said he has an RV unit I can have; he's going to see if it still works, and if it does, he'll bring it over. Cross your fingers for me.
Then number three hit this morning. I woke up and found that my cooler had started leaking during the night--not too bad, but there was a definitive damp spot spreading underneath my rug. Sigh. Outside I hauled the cooler, next to the door, and began plopping old towels onto my floor and stomping on them to try and absorb as much of the moisture as I could before mildew could set in. (I can't yank the carpet up because there's too much furniture and whatnot holding it down.) Since it was only really damp and not wet--I lifted one corner to check underneath for pooling puddles and there weren't any--I think it should be all right. Problem may be that it's a really damp, overcast morning, so it may take a while. If the weather improves, however, I should have it dried by evening.
All in all, not a great week for me. But now that my three catastrophes have hit, I am projecting that things will get better from here on out. Only good things now. These things will not defeat me.
If y'all have a minute, send a positive thought my way. I could use it. :)
Monday morning I wake up to the cheery revelation that my refrigerator had broken down. My freezer had defrosted itself, and water was dripping into my crisper drawer at an alarming rate. I tried everything; checked the outlet, checked the fuse box, switched the breakers on and off--no go. The fridge light works, so I know it's getting power, but the motor wasn't running. So that morning consisted of running round frantically, dumping my freezer food into a neighbor's unit next door, cleaning up the mess in the fridge, and loading my cooler with ice so that I could salvage what was left. You know how much RV refrigerators cost retail? It's astronomical--$1500 or so. And they're hard to find secondhand. I just about cried.
Then on Tuesday I find that my stinkin' bank overdrafted me because I was four cents short on a purchase. Yeah, you read that right. Four lousy pennies. And so I got nailed with several $35 NSF fees, because of course everything else that posted after the first overdraft...was short. I'm dumping them this time. I've had enough of that crap from them. Being charged that much money for such a small error is ridiculous, and the banks are legally executing robbery. I'm just done. And I had to hoard what money I had left this week after paying bills.
So after about a day or two of panic and another day of sulking, I set about attempting to find ways of resolving these issues. Shot off a letter to the CEO of my bank, just to make myself feel better, though I don't know if it'll do me any good. Figured out a budget so that I can pay back the overdrafts, and started working on getting new jobs so that maybe I can either fix my fridge or buy a new/used one. A friend of mine in a neighboring town said he has an RV unit I can have; he's going to see if it still works, and if it does, he'll bring it over. Cross your fingers for me.
Then number three hit this morning. I woke up and found that my cooler had started leaking during the night--not too bad, but there was a definitive damp spot spreading underneath my rug. Sigh. Outside I hauled the cooler, next to the door, and began plopping old towels onto my floor and stomping on them to try and absorb as much of the moisture as I could before mildew could set in. (I can't yank the carpet up because there's too much furniture and whatnot holding it down.) Since it was only really damp and not wet--I lifted one corner to check underneath for pooling puddles and there weren't any--I think it should be all right. Problem may be that it's a really damp, overcast morning, so it may take a while. If the weather improves, however, I should have it dried by evening.
All in all, not a great week for me. But now that my three catastrophes have hit, I am projecting that things will get better from here on out. Only good things now. These things will not defeat me.
If y'all have a minute, send a positive thought my way. I could use it. :)
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