Friday, January 28, 2011

GI: Thanks to All the Little People

Happy Friday, everyone!  To end your week (or start your weekend) with a wee chortle, I happily present the last GI of the week. Don't worry. We will resume our festivities on Monday. 

[Re: movie being made about Mohammad.  Emphasis mine -- AD]

“What better way to get your belief out there than to make a high quality (money wise) movie and have it done by someone who has made millions from making movies! It's too bad that these big movie makers aren't as interested in doing a big money movie on the life and death of Christ and it's purpose!”

(Ahem): The Greatest Story Ever Told, Jesus: The Man You Thought You Knew, King of Kings, In Search of Historic Jesus, The Last Temptation of Christ, The Messiah, The Robe, Jesus of Nazareth, or The Passion of the Christ.  And let’s not forget that Christ trod the boards with Godspell and Jesus Christ Superstar.

Yeah. It's also a crying shame Jesus never got an Oscar, either.  Damn that Academy...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

GI: Welch's Into Wine

Hi, everyone! It's that time of day I just know  you've been waiting for, breath bated, and on the edge of your keyboards: Today's installment of GI.  Spelling and punctuation have been left pristine and original, as always. 

“Hey Just Sayn. There are 2 types of wine mentioned in the Bible. Fermented wine which contained alcohol and non-fermented wine which was plain grape juice. Jesus never drank fermented wine. His miracle at the wedding feast turned water into grape juice. If you read and understand the Bible you will find out that Jesus forbids drinking alcohol.”

Uhhhh…I think you might be referring to the Koran.  In the New Testament, it says in Matthew 11.18:

“The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold a man gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners’.”

He drank. He partied. He even told jokes and danced.  Who would have wanted to traipse around Judea for three years with a Gloomy Gus, anyway?  --Irish

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

GI: Pomp and Circumstance

[On Obama's winning the Nobel Peace Prize.  No corrections except quotation marks – Irish]

“I agree with Bobbi Sanchez If I'm reading and understanding it correctly, it's against the Constitution for him to accept it. Not that he cares about the Constitution.

“ ‘No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States: and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of the Congress,... accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state’. United States Constitution, Article I, Section 9.

“He should have declined it until his Presidency is over and then accept it, like Roosevelt

“Not that I believe he deserves it”

It’s a Nobel prize, not a “noble” title, you nitwit.  Also, punctuation is your friend. -- Irish

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

GI: Just a Piece of Paper

I don't know how many times y'all have heard this, but it's become a tired and rather feeble argument--if it ever had any vigor at all; that America was founded as a Christian nation:

“This country was founded by men and women who left England so that they could have the freedom to practice CHRISTIANITY apart from the Church of England. It was NOT founded so that everyone could have the freedom to worship the ‘god’ they choose.”

Um, well – no. The Puritans left the old country to escape religious persecution and establish a home where they could practice as they saw fit, yes (and were a pretty uptight bunch, to say the least). But the country itself was not founded on Christianity; most of the founding fathers (all male, by the way) were born in the Colonies, and were actually intellectuals advocating the Enlightenment.  In fact, Thomas Paine (“Common Sense”) was an atheist, Benjamin Franklin was an agnostic, and even Thomas Jefferson said, “Say nothing of my religion. It is known to God and myself alone...It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." Jefferson didn’t care who you worshiped; he just didn’t want it forced on him.

And besides that, each of the men involved in the drafting and ratification of a certain document put aside whatever religious beliefs they may or may not have held, definitively and firmly drawing a line between--you guessed it--Church and State. As far as they were concerned, the two should never commingle.

Ye Olde Constitution states:  "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

American History.  Good stuff.  

Sunday, January 23, 2011

GI: Book Signings in Canaan

[Why are there no contemporary records of Jesus?]

“because the bible was the official book, like how some celebrities today give sole rights for an official biography to one person.”

And you just know Moses and Elijah were pissed they weren’t consulted first or even asked to read the galleys.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Genius Idiocy - That Voodoo You Do

"That's the beauty of Heaven... we can leave our brains behind."

I know, that one’s too easy.  Here’s another one:

“Is there a possibility that Criss Angel, David Copperfield,, have real magical powers? I know they said the tricks they do are just illusions and sleigh of hands... but there are some tricks they did that are just impossible for humans to do. Could they have made a pact with the Devil in exchange for great wealth, fame, and glory?

“In the Bible we read there were sorcerers and magicians in the court of the Pharaoh who duplicated the miraculous feats performed by Moses... such as turning his staff into a live snake. That gives us something to think about. You can go to the Library and find many fictional novels regarding people who sold their souls to the Devil by making a pact with him for worldly fame and glory...hmmm... Could there may be some truth to it?”

No, it’s not the devil. They’re doing the old Jedi Mind Trick.

Seriously.  Magicians and illusionists simply use diversion and sleight of hand, and practice, practice, practice until they are very good at it. They focus our attention on one thing while they’re manifesting the illusion somewhere else.  They have to be able to command an audience’s attention absolutely and hold it, which takes some badass understanding of psychology, by the way.

Incidentally, a good friend of mine is a Christian illusionist, and I’m fairly sure he’s not in league with Satan.  That would kind of go against…well….everything he stands for.  If he thought for a moment his job was Satanic in any way, I feel safe in saying he’d stop doing it and apply at the local Taco Bell.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Pantsless in Galilee

Okay, first Genius Idiocy post! Spelling errors are original.

Yves Saint Laurent invented the godless women's pantsuit in 1966. He spent time in psychiatric institutions and was a drug addict. The fact is Saint was no "saint" but a wicked vile sinner who committed an "abomination." Who did more to hurt the women in this world than most. He liberated no one, but instead help to enslave them under the bondage of Satan and his devices. He hlep to tare down the walls of modesty, equal rights, women's lib, and feminity. Pants are a man's clothing and should not be worn by a lady. Pants goes against the Word of God, modesty, virture, womenhood, decency, and God given feminity.

--All right, Scotland! "Tare" off those kilts, ‘cause you’re stealing our "feminity", "virture", and symbols of "womenhood". Also, I’m almost absolutely positive that Jesus and his Posse didn’t roam around the Galilee in Wranglers.

Genius in Idiocy

I have a daily tradition on my FB, Twitter, and blog pages where I post a quote from a favorite writer, philosopher, character, actor, etc.  It's a fun way to begin the day.  I am now going to add to that a quote at the END of the day, but it requires a disclaimer/explanation.  The theme will be, basically, Stupid Things Said by Religious Fanatics.  A lot of them are Christian in origin, although many spring from the font of other religious doctrines.  I think the reason so many are Christian is because out of all of them, Christian fundamentalists are the least tolerant of all of them, and work themselves into a bigger lather than the Scrubbing Bubbles on a sugar high.

I myself am not a churchgoer, and follow no specific dogma; my belief is that there are many roads to God, whoever or whatever He/She/It might be. My thinking is that all religions and doctrines have valid points and valuable lessons, and often cock an eyebrow when I see two opposing philosophies advocating the same thing, wondering if they know how much they''re in agreement.

I'm an agnostic; I think that there is very possibly something out there that is greater than us, but I also think I'm not omniscient enough to know what that might be.  I'm also a student of history and philosophy, of gnosticism and theology; I question, I ruminate, I debate.  I have no problem at all with others choosing to follow a particular faith, creed, doctrine, or secular religion; in fact, I enjoy discussing it with them--as adults, in a mature, non-judgmental and intelligent manner. 

What I have a problem with is stupidity and hypocrisy.  So, please don't take offense to upcoming posts; or, if you do, understand I'm not attacking your religion. I'm pointing a finger at the individual quoted as a prime candidate for Idiot of the Year award--those people who take a religion and give it a bad name for everyone else associated with it. 

Danke. You may now resume your regularly scheduled programming. 

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Because It's There

Along with Stephen Fry, Brian Blessed is one of the best things Britain ever invented. In May of 2008 he guest-hosted an episode of the satirical program "Have I Got News For You", and in the inevitable Blessed MO, completely upended the format, defenestrated the script, and left the rest of the panel disintegrating in either helpless laughter or hapless confusion.

Poor Paul Merton had no idea what hit him, and conservative MP Alan Duncan was left gasping for breath after hearing what has to be one of the most inglorious stories of an Everest climb. Whenever you need a giggle, stop on over here and press "Play".

(From the BBC's "Have I Got News For You")