Thursday, February 17, 2011

GI: Jesus Loves Me

Gooooood evening, my darlings.  I hope everyone had a great day and that you are all steaming ahead over the crest of the hill, headlong towards Friday.  I, evidently, have managed to catch some kind of stomach bug, and therefore cannot eat my beloved truffles. Which, as I'm sure you're aware, does not bode well for my evening. 

Today's GI is a double-header of Rapturist delight.  Bear in mind that nowhere in either the Bible--specifically, the New Testament--is there any mention of such an event.  The closest the NT ever came to it was in I Thessalonians, when Paul talks about Jesus returning to Earth to gather his saints:

'...and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air."

The actual concept of the Rapture, as it is known today in mainstream Western culture, was the idea of one Cotton Mather and his son, the ingeniously named Increase.  The term 'Rapture' was created by Philip Doddridge and John Gill in 1738 and 1748, respectively, in their New Testament commentaries.  That's where it all started, and other theologians, ministers, and writers developed on the idea. 

What was once a rather lovely idea has become, in my opinion, slightly skeevy when viewed through the perspective of the following:


“I am sitting here right now thinking of the rapture...and just thinking about it makes me cry. My spirit groans within heart aches with wanting to see his face. All I can think about is going home...I hate this world and the thought of living a full 70 years saddens me deeply. I want to go home so bad! I am so tired and weary of this world. Jesus..I only want you. Come soon Jesus....your bride is calling.”

Sometimes these people just creep me out.  

What about ‘life is a gift, meant to be lived’?  I have a hard time believing that God (Allah, Jehovah, Elohim, et al) would be very happy about people wasting time and twiddling their thumbs, moaning about how awful life is and not doing crap to make something meaningful from it. 

And as for the “bride” thing…you get up in arms about the hypothesis that Jesus could have been married while he was alive, but it’s perfectly okay if you claim the title after his death/resurrection/ascension?  Plus, are you the only "bride"?  Is Jesus some kind of polygamous Don Juan? 

If God gives you 70 years to live on this planet, I would do my damndest to learn something from the experience if I were you. Otherwise, if you ask me, that’s like throwing the gift He gave you smack in his face and telling him it’s not good enough.

Damn, if I still drank alcohol....


[In a thread about "If we can eat in heaven, can we also have sex?"  Good to know where the priorities lie.]

1. Jesus ate after receiving His Resurrection body.

2. Marriage "Supper" of the Lamb (Kinda hints at food, doesn't it?)

3. Trees along the River of Life with 12 crops of fruit for us to eat.

We will be able to eat - if we need to is another issue.

1. Sex is for Marriage

2. The only Marriage in Heaven will be Christ and His Bride - now, not to be crass, if we were to have "relations" with each other, wouldn't that be considered adultery if "we" are married to Christ?

There will be no sex for those who have Resurrection bodies. For those still on earth during the Millennium, yes, they will have sex and repopulate the earth.

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m thinking that staying down here is going to be a lot more fun.  -Irish

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