Monday, April 11, 2011

GI: Monsterball

Hello, hello, helloooo, and welcome to Fantasy Island!

Not really, but you know what I mean.  Today, our favorite genius idiots are battling demons, burning satanic doctrine, and subverting conversion to the Lord.  These illuminati  have taken up arms and entered into battle with the soul-killing wretches that are independent thought, contemplative philosophy, and mass-marketed chocolate.  Remember this next time you take the little ones out trick-or-treating. 

Andiamos!

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“During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

“I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.”

Banish the demons Nestle, Hershey, Kraft, and Mars! And why haven’t we seen a Tree House of Horrors episode about this yet?

 Who, Me?

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“In an unrelated note. I always carry a few nuts and bolts at amusement parks. after we get locked in the ride and start to move, I hold up a few of them and say to the person next to me look what just fell out of this thing. It is a great witnessing tool. Everytime I did that the person next to me started praying.”

So you lied and committed an act of terror?  That’s the best witnessing tool you could come up with?

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“Come to our Halloween book burning. We are burning Satan's bibles like the NIV, RSV, NKJV, TLB, NASB, NEV, NRSV, ASV, NWT, Good News for Modern Man, The Evidence Bible, The Message Bible, The Green Bible, ect. These are perversions of God's Word the King James Bible.

“We will also be burning Satan's music such as country , rap , rock , pop, heavy metal, western, soft and easy, southern gospel , contempory Christian , jazz, soul, oldies but goldies, etc.

“We will also be burning Satan's popular books written by heretics like Westcott & Hort , Bruce Metzger, Billy Graham , Rick Warren , Bill Hybels , John McArthur, James Dobson, Charles Swindoll , John Piper, Chuck Colson, Tony Evans, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swagart, Mark Driskol, Franklin Graham , Bill Bright, Tim Lahaye, Paula White, T.D. Jakes, Benny Hinn , Joyce Myers, Brian McLaren, Robert Schuller, Mother Teresa , The Pope , Rob Bell, Erwin McManus, Donald Miller, Shane Claiborne, Brennan Manning, William Young, etc.

“We are not burning Bibles written in other languages that are based on the TR. We are not burning the Wycliffe, Tyndale, Geneva or other translations that are based on the TR.

“We will be serving Bar-b-Que Chicken, fried chicken, and all the sides.”

Well, they’ve burned everything.  What else is there to do but eat?  I’ll have a fried chicken plate with a side of The Judds and some CCR.

--Irish

2 comments:

Brock gill said...

Where do you find this stuff. I'm amazed at the idiots outthere. I don't think these people have any friends must be a lonely life. And a small church of haters.
Wow. Glad I live under grace. Haha.

Irish Girl said...

I'm constantly amazed every time I find a new gem. I cannot imagine living this way.