Wednesday, March 30, 2011

GI: Persians and Proctologists

Hello, my Wednesday Warriors. I hope the fight goes well for you. Me? Aw, well, you know me. Toss a bag of truffles in my direction and I really don't give a damn about much of anything else.  Add a few jars of Nutella, and I'm downright nihilistic. 

After a short hiatus (during which your humble researcher was scrambling to finish some rather overdue work at the Day Job), we resume our regularly scheduled programming with some lovely examples of infuriating human intransigence,  stunning incomprehension of "tolerance", and an even further baffling understanding of just exactly what "gay" is and what "gay" does.  In short, if people like this didn't have illustrated instructions as to how to put tab "A" into slot "B", we might have spared ourselves the headache of folks like Westboro Baptist Church. 

Strap on the oxygen masks. This is really gonna stink. 

(spelling and grammar unedited - Irish)

“Because of years and years of looking at and touching scores of women inappropriately, the male gynecologist no doubt has a seared conscience and a perverted mind (I will not go into detail of what goes on in the doctor’s office for decency’s sake, but any woman who has been there knows what I am referring to). His view of women and the marital bed has certainly been warped by his indecent involvement with countless women.

“May God help preachers in this generation to make the Bible their authority, not tradition, and call this ungodly practice what it really is – sin. Any doctor that looks upon and touches a woman’s private parts in his office ‘hath committed adultery with her already in his heart’. Sir, if you let your wife go to a male gynecologist, you need to get right with God.”

Okayyyy…so, if you go to a male proctologist, does that mean you’re both gay?

 How YOU doin'?

(Uno Mas, spelling and grammar are woefully unedited -- Irish)

“All, I have a terrible problem. I just started a new church and now I'm confronted with a big problem. One of the small group leaders is a woman I know from my neighborhood. She has been a member of this church for a long time and heads up a couple ministries. She is apparently one of those that works hard all the time for the church and is well thought of. Unfortunantly I know that she is gay. She has a lover that stays over at her house often, and I've personally seen unacceptable and disgusting behavior. It's pretty common knowledge in the neighborhood that these two women are lovers. How it is that her church doesn't know I can't imagine. She must be very discreet. Anyway, what in the world should I do? I don't want to gossep and I certainly don't want to be responsible for decention in the church. Do I tell the pastor? Tell her that I know? Send and anonamous message to the pastor? Somehow I don't think I'd be very popular for disclosing this, it's a hard place for a new member. Should I just quietly find a new church? I really liked this place, the message was wonderful and the people so loving. What should I do?”

What do you mean, you’ve “personally seen” their “unacceptable” and “disgusting” behavior?  You’ve been watching?  You perv.

I'm curious; how, exactly, is this your "problem"?  And as for a solution, how about this: Mind your own damn business.

 (see above -- Irish)

“We have to be tolerant and inclusive. In the future all heterosexuals will have to submit to a night of gay sex to prove their loyalties to the ideals of tolerance and inclusiveness. The Democratic party will demand it. Joe Biden will demand it. Obama’s safe sex czar will demand it. If you don’t submit you will be fined and forced to buy an ornament of gay Jesus for the Christmas tree.”

What?  No, really…what?

“I thought that Lincoln and Kennedy were the only ones to be assassinated. That's what I was taught in school anyway.

“Another reason to homeschool ones children...”

Yes, because otherwise they might find out about McKinley and Garfield and make you look really  dumb.

President Garfield. Assassinated. Dead.
 President McKinley. Assassinated. Also dead.

“As I said, the Persians never even had a world empire; so why should anyone take their plastic god (Zoroaster) seriously?”

Okay. Geez.  Just an epic fail in World History.  THE PERSIAN EMPIRE?!? Hello?  It dominated what is now Iran and spanned over three continents from the border of China to Egypt and Greece. Even Rome wasn’t that big! Didn’t you see 300?

Also, Zoroaster wasn’t a god. He was a prophet and philosopher.

 500 B.C. E.

The ruins of Persopolis, capitol of Persia, in modern-day Iran.

--Irish Girl


Drifter0658 said...

Sometimes I wish I could defect to Mars. And it's not these idiots that scare me- it's the morons who prop these guys up.

Sad, sad, very sad.

Irish Girl said...

It is sad...and what's frightening is, I've only begun to scratch the surface. There's plenty more where that came from, although thank heavens people like his comprise but a small percentage of the world population.