Sunday, March 20, 2011

GI: Monkeybidness

Hello, my peeps. Today you get a special treat: A rare Sunday edition of Genius Idiocy. Many of you are no doubt observing that the only reason there's a Sunday edition is because your humble researcher abstained from posting one on Friday. While true, this is irrelevant. It's still rare to get a GI post on the weekend, so just nod, smile pretty, and pat the gift horse gently on the hind flank. 

I have culled, for your reading pleasure, some truly idiotic tidbits from my vast archives of human vapidity.  From what I can tell, these people never read, crack open a history book--much less a Bible--have taken the time during homilies and sermons to catch a few z's, and generally belong in the vaunted annals of the Darwin Awards.  The fact that they're still alive speaks to the truth that there is, indeed, evidence of miracles.

(emphasis mine -- Irish)

“...What about a law that says it’s a federal crime to attack somebody because of his religious beliefs? Not a chance!”

"The 1969 Federal Hate Crimes Law 18 U.S.C. § 245(b)(2), permits federal prosecution of anyone who 'willingly injures, intimidates or interferes with another person, or attempts to do so, by force because of the other person's race, color, religion or national origin’.” 

Look it up on Wikipedia.  And while I’m at it, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to attack anybody for any reason other than self-defense.

 It's self-defense! They're taking my bananas! 
(spelling and punctuation untouched -- Irish)

“You know what's so funny about Atheism? If the Christians are right (which we are) then all the atheists get a one-way ticket to hell, but if by some impossibility the atheists are right absolutely nothing happens to the christians or any other religion because that would mean there would be no higher being to punish us! So its a win-win for religion while atheists are playing a fifty-fifty. Good luck burning for eternity."

Okay, for one thing:  Pascal’s Wager? Complete crap.  Two:  What if you’re both wrong and some other religion is right? 

(Again, spelling and punctuation unspoiled, much to my chagrin - Irish)

“i think it's wrong for scientists to? define everything because they define humans as apes, and i don't want to be an ape because they are ugly and dumb.

“scientists can have their definitions, and we normal people can have our own.”

I don’t know about “ugly”, but you’re far too late on the second qualifier.  Incidentally, we humans share at least 98% of our DNA with chimpanzees.  They probably think we’re pretty screwed up, too.

 Did you SEE her hair? I wouldn't wanna be a human; they're ugly and dumb.

“Can I help it if I have kept all the virtues I got from Christianity that make me so superior to the rest of you?”

Ooh. So close, but fails with a drop in the home stretch for “pride”.

“We agree upon truth, no disagreements allowed.”

Well. I think that one pretty much speaks for itself. 

“Sort of strange how people say the Bible was fake, when the authors lived such a long time ago, fictional stories probably haven't been invented yet.”

The Parables of Jesus? Anyone? 



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