Dragonlady

Anne McCaffrey died yesterday at her home in Ireland.  She was a wonderful, wonderful person and a spellbinding storyteller. I read The White Dragon for the first time when I was ten years old, and have been an avid fan of Anne and Pern ever since.  I used to stop in at her online chatroom, The Kitchen Table, years ago to visit and talk with fellow fans and writers, and often Anne herself would pop by.  She was funny and earthy, engaging, and had a robust sense of humor.  It really did feel as if we were all sitting gathered round a kitchen table in the Irish countryside, fire crackling nearby and teakettle whistling, while we talked the hours away. 

I will miss her.  But I have my beloved Dragonriders of Pern collection so I can visit whenever I find myself missing her most.

Sliante, Anne. Beannaithe.

Cover Art: All The Weyrs of Pern, by Anne McCaffrey

In Her Shoes

Marilyn's Custom-Made Ferragamo shoes.

When I was working in L.A. in publicity, I lived on a compound in Pasadena that was originally built by a set designer back in the '30's.  My landlords--who were lovely people--were also Hollywood vets from the 50's-60's era who had worked with the major studios, including Desilu and Fox.  Between their own personal collections of memorabilia and things they had found in this amazing property they owned, they had a mind-blowing treasure trove of Hollywood History.

Anyway, one night we were sitting out on the veranda having a glass of wine (this was when I was still drinking), and landlady said, "I have something to show you." and she forthwith went into the house, returning a few minutes later with a small bag wrapped in plastic.

She knew of my interest in old Hollywood, and smiled at me knowingly as she placed this bundle in front of me on the table, indicating that I should unwrap it.  I opened it carefully, knowing it was likely a rare set or costume piece. Inside were a pair of size nine, red sequined heels - about 3 inches.

"Try them on," she urged, and I didn't argue. I popped my own shoes off and began strapping on the heels. A chorus girl's? A Follies dancer?

I stood up and tottered carefully around our cobbled patio, surprised to find that the shoes fit me perfectly. My landlady smiled. "Those were Marilyn's," She said.

I stood, struck dumb, staring at her insensibly. "What?" I managed to stutter.

She nodded. "Yep. Those were her shoes from 'Some Like it Hot'."

I suddenly didn't dare move. I was wearing Hollywood gold on my feet and they were the same size as MARILYN MONROE'S?!?

"Take a look at the soles," my landlady suggested. So I walked--carefully--back to my seat and lifted my foot up to see the bottom.The soles had been scored several times with a razor blade--a trick dancers used back in the day to give them traction on slick floors.

My landlady was beaming at the utterly awestruck, gobsmacked look on my face. "I thought you would enjoy seeing them."

See them? I was literally standing in Marilyn's shoes. That's something not a lot of people will ever be able to say.

It was one of the most amazing moments in my L.A. career. I'll never forget it.

Irish

Some Like It Hot. She was pretty cool.

Beannaithe Bealtaine! Go n-éirí libh!

Hi, everyone!  Happy May Day!

I thought it would be interesting to tell you about Bealtaine, the traditional Irish celebration of the start of summer.  A pagan tradition, it has deep roots in Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and the Isle of Man.  Like Samhain, it has been misinterpreted as witchcraft or of Satanic origin, which of course is complete nonsense, and only goes to show that people make up stuff about the things they cannot understand or about which they haven’t bothered to ask.

In Irish Gaelic, the month of May is known as Mí Bhealtaine or Bealtain. The dawn festival is known as Lá Bealtaine (‘May Day'). In Scottish Gaelic, May  is (An) Cèitean or a' Mhàigh, and the festival is known as Latha Bealltainn or simply Bealltainn. Beltane was formerly spelled 'Bealtuinn' in Scottish Gaelic; in Manx it is spelt 'Boaltinn' or 'Boaldyn'. In Modern Irish/Gaelic, Oidhche Bealtaine or Oíche Bealtaine is May Eve, and Lá Bealtaine is May Day. Mí na Bealtaine, or simply Bealtaine,  is the name of the month of May.

Whew! I’ll wait a moment for those of you who tried pronouncing those to unsnarl your tongues.

 Bealtaine Fire Festival on Calton Hill, Edinburgh.

In Neopaganism, Bealtaine is considered a “cross-quarter” day, which marks the midpoint of the sun’s journey between spring equinox and the summer solstice.  The astronomical date for this midpoint is around May 5-7, but it varies from year to year.  It’s a time when planting begins amid great celebration and a sense of hope for a good crop that will feed the village for the coming winter in the latter half of the year. Beltane was also the beginning of the pastoral summer season, when herds of livestock were driven out to summer pastures and mountain grazing lands.

In Irish mythology, the beginning of summer for the Tuatha De Danann  and the Milesians began at Bealtaine.  Huge bonfires marked a time of purification and transition and augured in the second half of the year in the hope of good harvest later.  This was accompanied by ritual ceremonies that protected people from harm by the spirits, such as the Aos Si. The festival of Samhain, opposite Bealtainne on October 31—Halloween—was also a time when spirits were seen as particularly close at hand to the living world.

 This is not a spirit. It is a reasonable facsimile.

As for Wiccans, they and Wiccan-inspired Neopagans celebrate a variation of Beltane as a Sabbat, one of the eight solar holidays. Although the holiday may use features of the Gaelic Bealtaine, such as the bonfire, it has more ties to the Germanic May Day festival, both in its significance (focusing on fertility) and its rituals (such as maypole dancing). Some Wiccans celebrate "High Beltaine" by enacting a ritual union of the May Lord and May Lady.

Bow-Chicka-Bow-Bow...

Now, I’ve said before that we Irish and of Irish extraction need little excuse for a party, but when we actually have an excuse, we go all-out.  Today, all over Ireland, Scotland, the Isle of Man and parts of Wales, there will be massive fires, dancing, scantily clad men and women, and much body paint.  There will also be singing, dancing, eating and drinking as the children of the Celts honor their ancestors with a shout of joy for the inauguration of a new season.

The long winter is over.  Summer is begun. Slainte.  

On the Sea

Today is the 99th anniversary of the Titanic sinking. Rather than bore you by writing an essay on that tragic event, I instead offer you the essay I wrote one year ago, which I think is one of my better pieces. 

Please take a moment and remember the 1500 souls who never made it back to warmth, family, comfort, and home.

The World that Woke

GI: Monsterball

Hello, hello, helloooo, and welcome to Fantasy Island!

Not really, but you know what I mean.  Today, our favorite genius idiots are battling demons, burning satanic doctrine, and subverting conversion to the Lord.  These illuminati  have taken up arms and entered into battle with the soul-killing wretches that are independent thought, contemplative philosophy, and mass-marketed chocolate.  Remember this next time you take the little ones out trick-or-treating. 

Andiamos!

**
“During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

“I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.”

Banish the demons Nestle, Hershey, Kraft, and Mars! And why haven’t we seen a Tree House of Horrors episode about this yet?

 Who, Me?

**
“In an unrelated note. I always carry a few nuts and bolts at amusement parks. after we get locked in the ride and start to move, I hold up a few of them and say to the person next to me look what just fell out of this thing. It is a great witnessing tool. Everytime I did that the person next to me started praying.”

So you lied and committed an act of terror?  That’s the best witnessing tool you could come up with?

**
“Come to our Halloween book burning. We are burning Satan's bibles like the NIV, RSV, NKJV, TLB, NASB, NEV, NRSV, ASV, NWT, Good News for Modern Man, The Evidence Bible, The Message Bible, The Green Bible, ect. These are perversions of God's Word the King James Bible.

“We will also be burning Satan's music such as country , rap , rock , pop, heavy metal, western, soft and easy, southern gospel , contempory Christian , jazz, soul, oldies but goldies, etc.

“We will also be burning Satan's popular books written by heretics like Westcott & Hort , Bruce Metzger, Billy Graham , Rick Warren , Bill Hybels , John McArthur, James Dobson, Charles Swindoll , John Piper, Chuck Colson, Tony Evans, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swagart, Mark Driskol, Franklin Graham , Bill Bright, Tim Lahaye, Paula White, T.D. Jakes, Benny Hinn , Joyce Myers, Brian McLaren, Robert Schuller, Mother Teresa , The Pope , Rob Bell, Erwin McManus, Donald Miller, Shane Claiborne, Brennan Manning, William Young, etc.

“We are not burning Bibles written in other languages that are based on the TR. We are not burning the Wycliffe, Tyndale, Geneva or other translations that are based on the TR.

“We will be serving Bar-b-Que Chicken, fried chicken, and all the sides.”

Well, they’ve burned everything.  What else is there to do but eat?  I’ll have a fried chicken plate with a side of The Judds and some CCR.

--Irish

GI: Persians and Proctologists

Hello, my Wednesday Warriors. I hope the fight goes well for you. Me? Aw, well, you know me. Toss a bag of truffles in my direction and I really don't give a damn about much of anything else.  Add a few jars of Nutella, and I'm downright nihilistic. 

After a short hiatus (during which your humble researcher was scrambling to finish some rather overdue work at the Day Job), we resume our regularly scheduled programming with some lovely examples of infuriating human intransigence,  stunning incomprehension of "tolerance", and an even further baffling understanding of just exactly what "gay" is and what "gay" does.  In short, if people like this didn't have illustrated instructions as to how to put tab "A" into slot "B", we might have spared ourselves the headache of folks like Westboro Baptist Church. 

Strap on the oxygen masks. This is really gonna stink. 

**
(spelling and grammar unedited - Irish)


“Because of years and years of looking at and touching scores of women inappropriately, the male gynecologist no doubt has a seared conscience and a perverted mind (I will not go into detail of what goes on in the doctor’s office for decency’s sake, but any woman who has been there knows what I am referring to). His view of women and the marital bed has certainly been warped by his indecent involvement with countless women.

“May God help preachers in this generation to make the Bible their authority, not tradition, and call this ungodly practice what it really is – sin. Any doctor that looks upon and touches a woman’s private parts in his office ‘hath committed adultery with her already in his heart’. Sir, if you let your wife go to a male gynecologist, you need to get right with God.”

Okayyyy…so, if you go to a male proctologist, does that mean you’re both gay?

 How YOU doin'?

**
(Uno Mas, spelling and grammar are woefully unedited -- Irish)


“All, I have a terrible problem. I just started a new church and now I'm confronted with a big problem. One of the small group leaders is a woman I know from my neighborhood. She has been a member of this church for a long time and heads up a couple ministries. She is apparently one of those that works hard all the time for the church and is well thought of. Unfortunantly I know that she is gay. She has a lover that stays over at her house often, and I've personally seen unacceptable and disgusting behavior. It's pretty common knowledge in the neighborhood that these two women are lovers. How it is that her church doesn't know I can't imagine. She must be very discreet. Anyway, what in the world should I do? I don't want to gossep and I certainly don't want to be responsible for decention in the church. Do I tell the pastor? Tell her that I know? Send and anonamous message to the pastor? Somehow I don't think I'd be very popular for disclosing this, it's a hard place for a new member. Should I just quietly find a new church? I really liked this place, the message was wonderful and the people so loving. What should I do?”

What do you mean, you’ve “personally seen” their “unacceptable” and “disgusting” behavior?  You’ve been watching?  You perv.

I'm curious; how, exactly, is this your "problem"?  And as for a solution, how about this: Mind your own damn business.

**
 (see above -- Irish)


“We have to be tolerant and inclusive. In the future all heterosexuals will have to submit to a night of gay sex to prove their loyalties to the ideals of tolerance and inclusiveness. The Democratic party will demand it. Joe Biden will demand it. Obama’s safe sex czar will demand it. If you don’t submit you will be fined and forced to buy an ornament of gay Jesus for the Christmas tree.”

What?  No, really…what?

**
“I thought that Lincoln and Kennedy were the only ones to be assassinated. That's what I was taught in school anyway.

“Another reason to homeschool ones children...”

Yes, because otherwise they might find out about McKinley and Garfield and make you look really  dumb.

President Garfield. Assassinated. Dead.

 

 President McKinley. Assassinated. Also dead.

**
“As I said, the Persians never even had a world empire; so why should anyone take their plastic god (Zoroaster) seriously?”

Okay. Geez.  Just an epic fail in World History.  THE PERSIAN EMPIRE?!? Hello?  It dominated what is now Iran and spanned over three continents from the border of China to Egypt and Greece. Even Rome wasn’t that big! Didn’t you see 300?

Also, Zoroaster wasn’t a god. He was a prophet and philosopher.

 500 B.C. E.

The ruins of Persopolis, capitol of Persia, in modern-day Iran.

--Irish Girl

Elizabeth

"And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest..."

--Hamlet, Act V

Elizabeth Taylor

Author, Actress, Activist, AmFAR Founder, Mother, Grandmother

February 27, 1932 - March 23, 2011

GI: Monkeybidness

Hello, my peeps. Today you get a special treat: A rare Sunday edition of Genius Idiocy. Many of you are no doubt observing that the only reason there's a Sunday edition is because your humble researcher abstained from posting one on Friday. While true, this is irrelevant. It's still rare to get a GI post on the weekend, so just nod, smile pretty, and pat the gift horse gently on the hind flank. 

I have culled, for your reading pleasure, some truly idiotic tidbits from my vast archives of human vapidity.  From what I can tell, these people never read, crack open a history book--much less a Bible--have taken the time during homilies and sermons to catch a few z's, and generally belong in the vaunted annals of the Darwin Awards.  The fact that they're still alive speaks to the truth that there is, indeed, evidence of miracles.

**
(emphasis mine -- Irish)


“...What about a law that says it’s a federal crime to attack somebody because of his religious beliefs? Not a chance!”

"The 1969 Federal Hate Crimes Law 18 U.S.C. § 245(b)(2), permits federal prosecution of anyone who 'willingly injures, intimidates or interferes with another person, or attempts to do so, by force because of the other person's race, color, religion or national origin’.” 

Look it up on Wikipedia.  And while I’m at it, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to attack anybody for any reason other than self-defense.

 It's self-defense! They're taking my bananas! 

 

**
(spelling and punctuation untouched -- Irish)

“You know what's so funny about Atheism? If the Christians are right (which we are) then all the atheists get a one-way ticket to hell, but if by some impossibility the atheists are right absolutely nothing happens to the christians or any other religion because that would mean there would be no higher being to punish us! So its a win-win for religion while atheists are playing a fifty-fifty. Good luck burning for eternity."

Okay, for one thing:  Pascal’s Wager? Complete crap.  Two:  What if you’re both wrong and some other religion is right? 

**
(Again, spelling and punctuation unspoiled, much to my chagrin - Irish)


“i think it's wrong for scientists to? define everything because they define humans as apes, and i don't want to be an ape because they are ugly and dumb.


“scientists can have their definitions, and we normal people can have our own.”

I don’t know about “ugly”, but you’re far too late on the second qualifier.  Incidentally, we humans share at least 98% of our DNA with chimpanzees.  They probably think we’re pretty screwed up, too.

 Did you SEE her hair? I wouldn't wanna be a human; they're ugly and dumb.

**
“Can I help it if I have kept all the virtues I got from Christianity that make me so superior to the rest of you?”

Ooh. So close, but fails with a drop in the home stretch for “pride”.

**
“We agree upon truth, no disagreements allowed.”

Well. I think that one pretty much speaks for itself. 


**
“Sort of strange how people say the Bible was fake, when the authors lived such a long time ago, fictional stories probably haven't been invented yet.”

The Parables of Jesus? Anyone? 


**


Irish

Sliante o Dha Dhuit

In Ireland, this is a day of religious observance and a celebration of St. Patrick's life as a Christian evangelist, preaching the gospel to the pagan tribes of Ireland.  Irish folklore tells us that he used the Shamrock as a tool to teach the Christian idea of the holy Trinity to the Celts.

He worked tirelessly for thirty years spreadng the Word throughout the Emerald Isle and died on March 17, 461. 

Originally the color for St. Patrick's Day was blue! It was only in the 1798 rebellion, when soldiers wore green in order to capture public attention in a political maneuver, that the phrase "wearing of the green" came about. Now, in the true American fashion of going all the way and then some, we dye entire rivers with it.

The feast day for St. Patrick was already celebrated by the Irish by the ninth and tenth centuries, and over the years, he sort of became the patron saint for all things Irish. The feast day, part of the Lenten tradition, was placed on the Catholic Liturgical calendar sometime in the 1600s, making it a holy day of obligation (ed.note: that was supposed to read "observation". Funny how my mind goes.) in Ireland.  Well, for Roman Catholics, anyway.  It became an official public holiday in 1903.

The Irish government petitioned to make the day a showcase for Ireland in the mid 1990's, campaigning far and wide to showcase their heritage in a festival, the first of which was held in 1996. I'm all for a good party--hell, I'm Irish--but what else do you need to showcase Ireland but Ireland?

This Is Ireland!

So, as you joyfully partake in the festivities, wear your green, and sate your thirst with a pint of emerald beer, remember dear old St. Patrick and his contributions.  Remember the Irish, and remember the unfettered brightness and joy of their spirit, despite the many hardships and struggles they have endured over the centuries. You can't keep an Irishman or Irishwoman down for long, and isn't that a great thing? Because otherwise, this world would be sadly lacking in color, music, and smiles.  

Erin Go Bragh!

Irish Girl

GI: Bonbons and Bollocks

Hello and Konnichi Wa, sweethearts.  Today's GI, while late, is a delightful collection of deliciously tasty nuggets.  As you savor each bonbon, reflect and ruminate over the windmills of minds that came up with them...

“I never said atheists are the most violent people in the world. I said, atheists will cut your throat for believing in Jesus.”

Not that that’s violent or anything…actually, most atheists wouldn’t give a shit.

**
Then again...

(emphasis mine – Irish)

“I hope the government gets rid of you a*sholes. I seriously f*cking do. christians of all types need to die. Many people don't know this but religion is what started the government so people who formed a civilization (civilization you could say is like the government but benign and without forced taxes). People who support the state and democracy are no better than people who are religious (assholes)”

Yes, atheists are idiots, too. P.S. Does your mother know you’re up this late?  Also, look up the Constitution, Article I.  I’m tired of quoting it here.

**
“A true Christian would NEVER allow his son to be subjected to a primitive blood ritual like circumcision because it's clearly un-Christian.

“But a Judeo-Christian probably would allow it because Judeo-Christians are more Jewish than they are Christian.”

There are some very good arguments against circumcision. This one would fall in the “facepalm” category.

**
[After a Christian asked people to pray for his father]

“No.

“Because if your prayer is granted, who will you attribute it to? Where will you go to thank him? Probably not Jehovah or to a Kingdom hall.”

Because praying for someone out of true charity and generosity would be – well –wrong…

**
[On Jack Black's "prayer" to Satan at the VMA's]

“Oh my - it didn't even appear he was trying to be funny. That made me almost physically ill. Music was created by God and should be used for God's glory. How much more sick and twisted is this world going to get when things like this are no longer reserved for Satanists meetings. That was horrible.

"I pray that we "go home" - and soon. I've had enough of this world.”

You must be a hoot at parties.

 Irish

And We All Shine On

Hello, my lovelies, and Congratulations! You've made it to Friday again. I'm so proud that I could just about burst with the verklempt of it...but that would be messy and there's no one else around to clean it up.  


In lieu of my usual rant against wanton stupidity, I'm gonna let someone else do it today.  Yeah, I know...me passing up an opportunity to vent my spleen? A banner day indeed.  Mark your calendars, because that only happens once every blue moon.  


I did not ferret this gem out on my own; I owe the following masterpiece to Julian Lennon, who found it ... well, somewhere.  We don't ask too many questions of him for fear of finding out the answers, n'est ce pas?  It is yet one more example of our respective governments' abilities to confound, exasperate, and humiliate us while we are left insensate with rage, steaming and fantasizing about creative manners of torture and retribution.  Americans aren't the only ones who would like to upend a bucket of fish guts on our leaders.  Bureaucracy reigns supreme right across the pond as well.  


Enjoy, and have a spectacular weekend if I don't see you before Monday.  


**
From Julian Lennon: 

This was actually taken from a UK  passport application and a member of staff copied it, as it made her laugh all day.

Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run Premium Bonds they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim before I die. Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my NHS insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture... Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally pissed off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances, which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor...who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.

Sliante,
Irish 

GI: The Rainbow Connection

I sometimes wonder if it could possibly be the same two or three people who come up with these effluvial gems, but then realize it's not possible.  So few people of this ilk wouldn't survive very long; it has to be a mass population that supports and encourages each other.  Sort of like an ant colony does. 

Isaac Newton, Ben Franklin, and Galileo are, somewhere, clutching their midsections in paroxysms of nausea.  Cotton Mather may be firing up the barbecue in anticipation of having company.

Bansai...!

**
What ‘establishment clause’? There is no such clause in our Constitution! It does not exist. That statement just shows the ignorance of ‘some’ of the American people."

Once again.  "Congress shall make no law regarding the establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof."

Might wanna give that mirror of yours a spit and polish, chickapee.

**
(Spelling and punctuation original. Emphasis mine – Irish)

“Some things can not be explained by science. Take for example, rainbows. Rainbows are a mystery and you can not touch them, just like god. Despite this fact, they are still there even though there is no scientific explanation for them. So next time you find yourself doubting your faith, think of god as a rainbow. I know that this can be a difficult concept for some of you to grasp. It is just like air you can't see it but you know its there”

Rainbows are an optical illusion, caused by light diffraction through water droplets creating the prism effect…Oh. Erm, the prism effect is the bending of light – aw, fuck it. Never mind.

Irish 

GI: Happy Horseshit

Hello, my darlings, and thank you for stopping by.  I took a week off to attend to some life priorities, but am back with my trove of GI gems full to the brim with farcical foolishness. 

Take a deep breath, gird your midsections, and brace for impact.  A la vie!


**
"I can tell I am growing closer to Christ because this world just makes me sick. I really can't tolerate it anymore.

“A thought did cross my mind today though. Since God is Holy and cannot fellowship with us when we sin and Jesus is God, how did he hang out with sinners?"


First off, that queasy, sick feeling you have?  I doubt it’s holy divinity—or if it is, I have to wonder just how much of a paradise Heaven really is.  You probably just have indigestion from swallowing so much horseshit whole.

As to your second question:  I believe Jesus was asked that very question by his disciples and the Pharisees at varying times.  He pointed out that “preaching to the choir” was kind of redundant.  It was the so-called “sinners” who needed ministry, and therefore with whom his time was well spent. 

Plus, sinners have the best parties.   

**
“First of all, I'm not very convinced that Leonardo Da Vinci was a very intelligent person. He invented a couple of things and made a few paintings. So what??? I'm not very impressed with anything he has done. Not to mention he was a liar. Jesus never married, or had children. So, I think Leonardo Da Retardo's code is just a bunch of lies coming from a mouth of a human with low intellect.”

It would be a reaaallly good idea for you to at least read the front cover of the book, because it plainly says, in big gold letters, “By Dan Brown”.  It is a work of fiction, not history, although it does incorporate historic elements with known facts, sprinkled with conjecture to make a pretty decent yarn.  The fact that it was a ginormous bestseller makes me wonder how on earth you could get the writer’s name wrong. 

Having said that, Leonardo DaVinci was a painter, sculptor, inventor, writer, engineer, mathematician, botanist, architect, musician, and prankster.  Many of his paintings, interestingly, were religiously iconographic--Virgin of the Rocks, The Last Supper, St. John the Baptist, Annunciation, The Baptism of Christ--and The Last Supper, which incidentally loomed large as a key clue in The DaVinci Code.  Interestingly, he rather mucked that one up, painting it on a dry surface rather than as a fresco, resulting in its almost instantaneous deterioration. 

He also made several portraits, the most famous of which is inarguably La Giocanda/The Mona Lisa.  His sketch, The Vitruvian Man, is regarded as a cultural icon, recognizable instantly almost everywhere in the world.  His was a formidable intellect, and he had an insatiable curiosity that exemplified the Renaissance era. 

Finally, with regard to the idea of DaVinci leaving codes in his works, or of Jesus being married, who knows?  That’s not the point here. The point here is:  When you start bashing people about and calling them names, make sure you’ve got the right names attached to the right people and the right issue.  Otherwise you just look stupid.

AD

GI: Reading Rainbow

I am beginning to wonder if the people who so forcefully pound the Bible and hold it up as the avatar of their authority actually have ever READ the thing. 

Today's edition of GI examines the sublime assertions of two individuals whose expertise in the art of looking at sentences and parsing meaning out of them is, unfortunately, sadly lacking. As is their historical and liturgical knowledge.  I don't like to generalize, but it's thinkers like this who want to tell everyone else how to use their brains.  That would be like giving a baby a machete and asking him to carve the turkey at Thanksgiving.  Take notes, kids -- there will be a pop quiz and the winner gets a free Kazoo. Onward...
 
(punctuation original – AD)

“personally, I find the common atheist assertion that "these books were written by man" completely irrational and ahistorical. Who exactly is their author? There's no historical documentation that suggests it, and in many cases, it would require widespread conspiracy to perpetuate the fraud - which also lacks evidence. Yet atheists continue to insist, utterly without any evidence, that there was some phantom author.

“please explain the existence of religious texts and the religious experience of the first generations that experienced those texts”

I am not disputing that spiritual and religious texts may have been inspired by a deity; however…

I presume you know of some fellas named Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John?  Paul the Apostle—he wrote a bunch of letters (epistles) to the Corinthians?  Even Jewish scholars acknowledge that the Torah (read: Old Testament to the Gentiles) was written by men, albeit unknown and unnamed.  Solomon? Song of?  I got a million of ‘em.


**

[re Obama: "We Do Not Consider Ourselves A Christian Nation". Emphasis mine. Here we go again…AD]

“He needs to go back and read the Constitution, and other historical documents that this country was based on.”

Sigh.  "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? "– Matthew, Chapter Seven, Sermon on the Mount—Greatest Hits

The United States Constitution, Article I:  "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Treaty of Tripoli, 1797, Article 11:  As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquility, of Mussulmen; and, as the said States never entered into any war, or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties, that no pretext arising from religious opinions, shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.[3]

Declaration of Independence:  When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.  (No mention of Christ here or anywhere in the document.)

You may not like Obama, and you have that right.  However, he was a Professor of United States Constitutional Law at the University of Chicago.  Whether he’s Christian, Muslim, Wiccan, Hindu, Buddhist, or a worshiper of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, he’s got a better grasp on the wording and content of our founders’ documents than you do. 

Then again, so does the average fifth grader who does a simple search on the internet and actually READS them.

--Irish

Toomer's Corner: The Memory of Trees

I have never been to Toomer's Corner in Auburn, and I know next to nothing about football.  More to the point, I couldn't care less about football, which to the wonderful fans of Auburn and Alabama is heresy; sorry. I just never saw much of interest in watching a bunch of men in padded suits chasing after a proportionately teeny tiny piece of pigskin.  However, I do realize the impact that the sport has on our national culture, and that it engenders fierce passion and loyalty in people, so much so that it consumes Sunday afternoons and Monday morning coffee.  In Alabama, you cannot be neutral between the two great teams of that state; sides must be picked, and the battle lines distinctly drawn in this rivalry for generations.

That's fine; it gives people a sense of cameraderie and fellowship to collectively root for their team, to gather and celebrate a win--or to commiserate over a loss. It is our modern equivalent of war, but a safer war, where the objective is to simply score a touchdown rather than murder the opponent and take their goods and chattels away.  Everybody walks away at the end—well, some stagger, whether due to injury or inebriation—and leave the fight for another day.

At least, that’s the way it should be.

Fisticuffs have ensued in Alabama over a declaration of nonalignment to either team, but at least a person can defend himself in the scuffle. A tree can’t.  Have you ever seen a branch ball itself up in a fist and swing a mean right hook?  Aside from JK Rowling’s Whomping Willow, I’ve never heard of a tree that fights back against an intrusion.  So a vicious attack against one is hardly the epitome of decency, let alone sportsmanship.

Harvey Updyke Jr. has been charged with injecting a poisonous herbicide into the two 130-year old trees at Toomer’s Corner—a place where Auburn fans come to celebrate and commiserate, and have for decades.  It’s bad enough that this man evidently allowed his zeal and misguided sense of loyalty to take the rivalry to such lengths.  It’s reprehensible that, in his mind, a tree was simply a tool, a method by which he could achieve his objective. Which, to this non-football fan, was as ridiculous as it was malicious and cruel.

I’m sure there are people out there saying, “What’s the big deal? It’s only a tree.”  Yeah, tell me that when you’ve been around for nearly a century and a half.  That tree was part of the Toomer’s Corner history. It was part of the town’s identity.  And it was a living thing.

People, it’s a game. No world issues have ever been solved by a football game, no famines ended by baseball. We haven’t gone to Mars on the morale of the Lakers, and we won’t fix the oil spill by cheering on Manchester United.

Trees don’t play football. They don’t play baseball or basketball or cricket or soccer, or even bloody golf, for God’s sake.  Trees don’t argue, don’t yell obscenities, and don’t start fistfights. All they do is grow and bear witness to the passages of time while we humans barely register it. They give us shade, sometimes shelter from the elements, and often food to sate our hunger. In a world where neutrality is frowned—even sneered—upon, trees are the only true arbiters of impartiality and objectivity.

Whether you’re a hugger or not, it has to be admitted that trees have been around a hell of a lot longer than we have. They have been there through our ups and downs, our triumphs and failures, have seen things we will never see. They are our constants in a world that changes so rapidly that we’re running faster to keep pace.

The trees, on the other hand, know how to be still.

Irish

GI: Jesus Loves Me

Gooooood evening, my darlings.  I hope everyone had a great day and that you are all steaming ahead over the crest of the hill, headlong towards Friday.  I, evidently, have managed to catch some kind of stomach bug, and therefore cannot eat my beloved truffles. Which, as I'm sure you're aware, does not bode well for my evening. 

Today's GI is a double-header of Rapturist delight.  Bear in mind that nowhere in either the Bible--specifically, the New Testament--is there any mention of such an event.  The closest the NT ever came to it was in I Thessalonians, when Paul talks about Jesus returning to Earth to gather his saints:


'...and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air."

The actual concept of the Rapture, as it is known today in mainstream Western culture, was the idea of one Cotton Mather and his son, the ingeniously named Increase.  The term 'Rapture' was created by Philip Doddridge and John Gill in 1738 and 1748, respectively, in their New Testament commentaries.  That's where it all started, and other theologians, ministers, and writers developed on the idea. 

What was once a rather lovely idea has become, in my opinion, slightly skeevy when viewed through the perspective of the following:

**


“I am sitting here right now thinking of the rapture...and just thinking about it makes me cry. My spirit groans within me...my heart aches with wanting to see his face. All I can think about is going home...I hate this world and the thought of living a full 70 years saddens me deeply. I want to go home so bad! I am so tired and weary of this world. Jesus..I only want you. Come soon Jesus....your bride is calling.”

Sometimes these people just creep me out.  

What about ‘life is a gift, meant to be lived’?  I have a hard time believing that God (Allah, Jehovah, Elohim, et al) would be very happy about people wasting time and twiddling their thumbs, moaning about how awful life is and not doing crap to make something meaningful from it. 

And as for the “bride” thing…you get up in arms about the hypothesis that Jesus could have been married while he was alive, but it’s perfectly okay if you claim the title after his death/resurrection/ascension?  Plus, are you the only "bride"?  Is Jesus some kind of polygamous Don Juan? 

If God gives you 70 years to live on this planet, I would do my damndest to learn something from the experience if I were you. Otherwise, if you ask me, that’s like throwing the gift He gave you smack in his face and telling him it’s not good enough.

Damn, if I still drank alcohol....

**

[In a thread about "If we can eat in heaven, can we also have sex?"  Good to know where the priorities lie.]

1. Jesus ate after receiving His Resurrection body.

2. Marriage "Supper" of the Lamb (Kinda hints at food, doesn't it?)

3. Trees along the River of Life with 12 crops of fruit for us to eat.

We will be able to eat - if we need to is another issue.

1. Sex is for Marriage

2. The only Marriage in Heaven will be Christ and His Bride - now, not to be crass, if we were to have "relations" with each other, wouldn't that be considered adultery if "we" are married to Christ?

There will be no sex for those who have Resurrection bodies. For those still on earth during the Millennium, yes, they will have sex and repopulate the earth.

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m thinking that staying down here is going to be a lot more fun.  -Irish

GI: Rogues and Peasant Slaves

Happy hump day, friends and neighbors.  Sorry I've been rather lax with the GI missives this week, but things have been busy at work.  I just do this for fun, you know.  In today's episode:  Forget Philip Marlowe. Evidently, Shakespeare had bigger fish to fry, according to this stellar example of research and reasoning --

“You're thinking about the NKJV. This is the one that was commissioned by the king that wanted a divorce I believe. I think it was one of the King Henry's. Crazy kook either got the divorces he wanted or arranged the death and/or imprisonment of his wives so he could re-marry at will. The KJV is the original copy written and translated by Shakespeare, from the ancient greek and hebrew manuscripts. If not this, he may have translated it from an even earlier english translation (which was then translated from the original greek and hebrew) when english barely resembled what it is today. It's one of these two events. This is why it's considered the most accurate, a direct english translation from the originals and the standard for today despite being a relic from the 1300-1500's where fancy poetic language was the common english of those times.”

No. Just no.  This is wrong on so many levels I can barely sputter out a response. 

Shakespeare? Really? William Shakespeare? There is no evidence to suggest that the Bard had anything to do with the translation of the KJV, which was actually drafted from 1604 to 1611, commissioned by King James I (hence the name—geddit?).  King Henry did indeed want a divorce from Katharine of Aragon so he could marry Anne Boleyn, but that was waaay before King James.  (James did give Shakespeare a royal patent after Queen Elizabeth I’s death.) James wanted to have a new translation written simply to correct perceived errors in earlier translations.  The KJV was the third official translation of the Christian bible into English.  Which, incidentally, begins with a capital “E”.  

I’m not even getting into the “fancy poetic language” bit.  No, wait--yes I will: It's called iambic pentameter, you miscreant, and no, people did not talk that way.

Would it kill people to look this stuff up? --Irish

GI: The Log In Your Eye

...AAAAnnnnd How was everybody's Thursday? Good? Good.  Rest yourselves a bit, prop your feet up, and feast your eyes on the day's Genius Idiocy hors d'oeuvre.  If awards were given out for hypocrisy--or obliviousness, this individual would surely take at least one of the top prizes.  Deep breath, everyone, and into the breech...

**

“I have a Catholic neighbor that is stubborn like a mule. He is a good man as far as sinners go, (That’s big of you) but he is religious without truth. I have witnessed to him on numerous occasions, but he prides himself in sticking to the teachings that his grandparents and parents taught him.” (Shiny Mirror Alert!)

“He is idolatrous and smiles with arrogance when he tells me that he follows the Catholic Church over the Bible.” (Shiny Mirror Alert! My eyes! It burns!!)


“He's about 50-years old. One day he will split Hell wide open and find out that God's Word is true and the Catholic Church lied to him. He is going to die in his sins without Christ. He adamantly believes that he is going to Heaven because of his faith AND GOOD WORKS. Adding anything to faith alone in Jesus is a false gospel and a guaranteed road to hellfire (Ephesians 2:8-9)." (GASP! How DARE he? Incidentally, James 2:17: "Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.")

I am saddened that he is going to Hell. He rejoices and drinks beer like water.” (Errr, to be fair, back in the day, Jesus and the disciples probably drank beer the same way; water wasn’t as safe back then as it is now, given the lack of filtration in large cities.  They also drank wine. Granted, it was fermented grape juice, so not exactly fancy stuff, but still.)


“He is living it up, like he's never going to die.” (Sounds like a guy who lives life rather than waiting to die, but that’s just me.)

“I am praying for his salvation and won't give up on him, but he has given up on himself. He's a key figure in his parish, St. Jude.” (Oh, well, there you go. The patron saint of lost causes. You were outmatched from the start.)

“I love Catholics as people; but I hate the cult of Catholicism!”

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?  -Irish

GI: Than Are Dreamt of in Your Philosophy

Gooooooood Evening, y'all.  Welcome once again to your daily nugget of mental nourishment that is Genius Idiocy.  In this edition, we explore the concept of thinking and using one's brain.  And thinking before opening one's mouth.

Or not...
**

Thinking for ourselves is quite dangerous..Would it not, rather, be prudent to seek the Lord and Live?”


In this case I agree with you.  Someone like you thinking for yourself could get us all killed.

**

“Newly-wed Roman Catholic couples are being encouraged to say a special prayer together before having sex.

The specially-composed Prayer Before Making Love is aimed at 'purifying their intentions' so the act is not about selfishness or hedonism.”

You’re right. God must have made a mistake by designing sex between consenting adults to be actually enjoyable. Good thing the Vatican came along to clear up the erratum. 

**

[From a pro-abstinence blog]

“When you play with fire, there is a 50/50 chance something will go wrong, and nine times out of ten it does.”

And I thought I was bad at math.

**

[Pope releases album for Christmas, litanies and chants in honor of the Virgin Mary.]

“What, pray tell, does MARY have to do with CHRISTmas??? They may as well just change the name to ‘MARYMAS’.”

Well, come on. You know the story. She had something to do with it.

**

Bonus Round!

“But to be fair, I think that in Atheism, you always have to rule out intelligent design and Creator. So, if you are an atheist looking at Mt. Rushmore, you must presume that the Presidents faces appeared as a result of purely natural causes.

While I think there are indeed very tough questions that we as Christians cannot answer, I think Atheism too has it's questions.”

Okay, gimme a minute here to pick myself up off the floor and catch my breath.  I want to try and say this with a straight face. 

First of all, yes: I completely agree with you that there are indeed tough questions that Christianity, Atheism, and many other religions cannot answer right now.  If you had said that at the beginning and simply shut up, you’d have been ahead of the game.

Alas.

Sigh.  Gutzon Borglum, American artist and sculptor. Created Mount Rushmore by taking dynamite and blasting the hell out of the Black Hills over the course of fourteen years and inciting the ire of the Lakota Sioux in the process, to whom the government had originally ceded the land in perpetuity.   He was neither a God nor imaginary. 

And just FYI, none of the heads on Mount Rushmore can talk, either. --Irish

GI: Wuv and Mawiage

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Friday edition of Genius Idiocy, where your humble hostess (that's me) takes a big Ibuprofen and a cup of double espresso and heaves a ginormous sigh of relief. 

In today's story, an individual of questionable rhetoric and execrable knowledge of history postulates on both the meanings of "marriage" and "tolerance".  Maybe the Amazons had the right idea.


“I'm sorry, but the words marriage belong to the Christian religions, as do the words husband (a male) and a wife (a woman), and gay marriage is an infringement of the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.

“Need more info on how the words marriage, husband and wife belong to the Christian religions, just send me an IM and I'll be happy to answer you.

“I stand for freedom of speech, and tolerance is a two-way street.”

Right. Okay. The Constitution, First Amendment:  "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."


Secondly, I do not think the word “word” means what you think it means. 


Marriage:  From the Latin Maritatus, in common use centuries before the Christian era. Also see Princess Bride,”mawaige”—just ‘cause it’s a fun movie.


Husband:  from the Norse "hus bondi" meaning head of the household. Chauvanistic, maybe. Etymologically sound, yes.


Wife: from the old High German "wib" or possibly Norse "vif". Found in various forms in pagan Europe (ie, before Christianity)

That's it for this week, kids. I'm gonna get an ice pack and lie down. I'm out.  --Irish

GI: Tidbits of Terror

Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to today's edition of Genius Idiocy, where there are no points and no one gets a prize.  First up, a debate. On one side, an idiot. On the other, someone with more than two brain cells in his or her cranial cavity:


“Joaquin, ‘Allahu’ has to mean ‘Allah’, not God. The Muslim chant, which is what this is from, is to Allah, not God. “

["Andy, the word "Allahu" means in Arab "God". It comes from: Al-lâh. "Al" means "the" and "ilah" means "god""]


“Joaquin, I have an open mind about this, but Muslims chant to ‘Allahu’ and they're not chanting to ‘God’, but to ‘Allah’.”

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Next:


“Given that atheistic evolutionary thinking has engendered social Darwinism and given that the proponents of atheism have no rational basis for morality in their ideology, the immoral views that atheists often hold and the low per capita giving of American atheists is not unpredictable.”

I’ll take ‘incomprehensible’ for 1000, Alex.


And finally,

“It is very clever the way Twilight is sneeking into our children. Like the HP books where the parents sacrificed their children to the god of education (importance of reading).”

Yeah. It’d be a shame if they learned how to spell words like “sneaking”.  

--Irish



GI: King of the Hill

Hi, everyone. Happy Tuesday, and welcome back to a fun-filled four days of Genius Idiocy.  Glad to have you along for the ride. 


Re: the Islam On Capitol Hill prayer event.  Enjoy.

“This makes me sick to my stomach that this will be happening. I wish thousands of Christians would come out that day and surround them. That would be awesome if that would happen. We need people to go there and pray to the real God! “

Well, it’s the same God, you know.  Yawheh, Allah, God…it’s the same guy.  Or girl.

“Even though America allows freedom of worship, this event should not be happening in this country! “

…Even though America allows freedom of worship. Right. Continue.

“This event is a desecration of our founding forefathers ideals and beliefs about America. God is not going to be pleased with this!”

See, there’s that thing again. Our founding fathers did not jumpstart America with the power cables of deism.  As for God, well…I’d guess He’s probably happy people talk to Him, wherever they may be.

“To those who think we should allow this because of religious freedom...do you really think God would want us to appease them just because it's their right? “

Eh?

“I say NO! God would not want us to compromise our faith! God was at the center of the creation of our country. This is an abomination to America. “

Once again: No.  Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.  The Constitution. Article I.


“Let the Islamics worship in their own mosques...not at the Capitol!!!”

Islamics?! They’re Muslims. If you’re going to insult someone, at least get the denomination right. And as for the rest of it, if someone said the same thing about banning your religion from a prayer event at the Capitol, you’d be screeching “discrimination”. 

But I will concede: such services should be held in an actual house of worship, not in a government building. 

That way, everyone can get pissed off about it. --Irish



GI: Thanks to All the Little People

Happy Friday, everyone!  To end your week (or start your weekend) with a wee chortle, I happily present the last GI of the week. Don't worry. We will resume our festivities on Monday. 

[Re: movie being made about Mohammad.  Emphasis mine -- AD]

“What better way to get your belief out there than to make a high quality (money wise) movie and have it done by someone who has made millions from making movies! It's too bad that these big movie makers aren't as interested in doing a big money movie on the life and death of Christ and it's purpose!”

(Ahem): The Greatest Story Ever Told, Jesus: The Man You Thought You Knew, King of Kings, In Search of Historic Jesus, The Last Temptation of Christ, The Messiah, The Robe, Jesus of Nazareth, or The Passion of the Christ.  And let’s not forget that Christ trod the boards with Godspell and Jesus Christ Superstar.

Yeah. It's also a crying shame Jesus never got an Oscar, either.  Damn that Academy...

GI: Welch's Into Wine

Hi, everyone! It's that time of day I just know  you've been waiting for, breath bated, and on the edge of your keyboards: Today's installment of GI.  Spelling and punctuation have been left pristine and original, as always. 

“Hey Just Sayn. There are 2 types of wine mentioned in the Bible. Fermented wine which contained alcohol and non-fermented wine which was plain grape juice. Jesus never drank fermented wine. His miracle at the wedding feast turned water into grape juice. If you read and understand the Bible you will find out that Jesus forbids drinking alcohol.”


Uhhhh…I think you might be referring to the Koran.  In the New Testament, it says in Matthew 11.18:

“The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold a man gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners’.”

He drank. He partied. He even told jokes and danced.  Who would have wanted to traipse around Judea for three years with a Gloomy Gus, anyway?  --Irish

GI: Pomp and Circumstance

[On Obama's winning the Nobel Peace Prize.  No corrections except quotation marks – Irish]

“I agree with Bobbi Sanchez If I'm reading and understanding it correctly, it's against the Constitution for him to accept it. Not that he cares about the Constitution.

“ ‘No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States: and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of the Congress,... accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state’. United States Constitution, Article I, Section 9.

“He should have declined it until his Presidency is over and then accept it, like Roosevelt

“Not that I believe he deserves it”

It’s a Nobel prize, not a “noble” title, you nitwit.  Also, punctuation is your friend. -- Irish

GI: Just a Piece of Paper

I don't know how many times y'all have heard this, but it's become a tired and rather feeble argument--if it ever had any vigor at all; that America was founded as a Christian nation:


“This country was founded by men and women who left England so that they could have the freedom to practice CHRISTIANITY apart from the Church of England. It was NOT founded so that everyone could have the freedom to worship the ‘god’ they choose.”

**
Um, well – no. The Puritans left the old country to escape religious persecution and establish a home where they could practice as they saw fit, yes (and were a pretty uptight bunch, to say the least). But the country itself was not founded on Christianity; most of the founding fathers (all male, by the way) were born in the Colonies, and were actually intellectuals advocating the Enlightenment.  In fact, Thomas Paine (“Common Sense”) was an atheist, Benjamin Franklin was an agnostic, and even Thomas Jefferson said, “Say nothing of my religion. It is known to God and myself alone...It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." Jefferson didn’t care who you worshiped; he just didn’t want it forced on him.


And besides that, each of the men involved in the drafting and ratification of a certain document put aside whatever religious beliefs they may or may not have held, definitively and firmly drawing a line between--you guessed it--Church and State. As far as they were concerned, the two should never commingle.


Ye Olde Constitution states:  "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

American History.  Good stuff.  

GI: Book Signings in Canaan

[Why are there no contemporary records of Jesus?]

“because the bible was the official book, like how some celebrities today give sole rights for an official biography to one person.”

And you just know Moses and Elijah were pissed they weren’t consulted first or even asked to read the galleys.

Genius Idiocy - That Voodoo You Do

"That's the beauty of Heaven... we can leave our brains behind."

I know, that one’s too easy.  Here’s another one:

**
“Is there a possibility that Criss Angel, David Copperfield, et.al., have real magical powers? I know they said the tricks they do are just illusions and sleigh of hands... but there are some tricks they did that are just impossible for humans to do. Could they have made a pact with the Devil in exchange for great wealth, fame, and glory?

“In the Bible we read there were sorcerers and magicians in the court of the Pharaoh who duplicated the miraculous feats performed by Moses... such as turning his staff into a live snake. That gives us something to think about. You can go to the Library and find many fictional novels regarding people who sold their souls to the Devil by making a pact with him for worldly fame and glory...hmmm... Could there may be some truth to it?”

No, it’s not the devil. They’re doing the old Jedi Mind Trick.

Seriously.  Magicians and illusionists simply use diversion and sleight of hand, and practice, practice, practice until they are very good at it. They focus our attention on one thing while they’re manifesting the illusion somewhere else.  They have to be able to command an audience’s attention absolutely and hold it, which takes some badass understanding of psychology, by the way.

Incidentally, a good friend of mine is a Christian illusionist, and I’m fairly sure he’s not in league with Satan.  That would kind of go against…well….everything he stands for.  If he thought for a moment his job was Satanic in any way, I feel safe in saying he’d stop doing it and apply at the local Taco Bell.

Pantsless in Galilee

Okay, first Genius Idiocy post! Spelling errors are original.

**
Yves Saint Laurent invented the godless women's pantsuit in 1966. He spent time in psychiatric institutions and was a drug addict. The fact is Saint was no "saint" but a wicked vile sinner who committed an "abomination." Who did more to hurt the women in this world than most. He liberated no one, but instead help to enslave them under the bondage of Satan and his devices. He hlep to tare down the walls of modesty, equal rights, women's lib, and feminity. Pants are a man's clothing and should not be worn by a lady. Pants goes against the Word of God, modesty, virture, womenhood, decency, and God given feminity.
**

--All right, Scotland! "Tare" off those kilts, ‘cause you’re stealing our "feminity", "virture", and symbols of "womenhood". Also, I’m almost absolutely positive that Jesus and his Posse didn’t roam around the Galilee in Wranglers.

Genius in Idiocy

I have a daily tradition on my FB, Twitter, and blog pages where I post a quote from a favorite writer, philosopher, character, actor, etc.  It's a fun way to begin the day.  I am now going to add to that a quote at the END of the day, but it requires a disclaimer/explanation.  The theme will be, basically, Stupid Things Said by Religious Fanatics.  A lot of them are Christian in origin, although many spring from the font of other religious doctrines.  I think the reason so many are Christian is because out of all of them, Christian fundamentalists are the least tolerant of all of them, and work themselves into a bigger lather than the Scrubbing Bubbles on a sugar high.

I myself am not a churchgoer, and follow no specific dogma; my belief is that there are many roads to God, whoever or whatever He/She/It might be. My thinking is that all religions and doctrines have valid points and valuable lessons, and often cock an eyebrow when I see two opposing philosophies advocating the same thing, wondering if they know how much they''re in agreement.

I'm an agnostic; I think that there is very possibly something out there that is greater than us, but I also think I'm not omniscient enough to know what that might be.  I'm also a student of history and philosophy, of gnosticism and theology; I question, I ruminate, I debate.  I have no problem at all with others choosing to follow a particular faith, creed, doctrine, or secular religion; in fact, I enjoy discussing it with them--as adults, in a mature, non-judgmental and intelligent manner. 

What I have a problem with is stupidity and hypocrisy.  So, please don't take offense to upcoming posts; or, if you do, understand I'm not attacking your religion. I'm pointing a finger at the individual quoted as a prime candidate for Idiot of the Year award--those people who take a religion and give it a bad name for everyone else associated with it. 

Danke. You may now resume your regularly scheduled programming. 

Because It's There

Along with Stephen Fry, Brian Blessed is one of the best things Britain ever invented. In May of 2008 he guest-hosted an episode of the satirical program "Have I Got News For You", and in the inevitable Blessed MO, completely upended the format, defenestrated the script, and left the rest of the panel disintegrating in either helpless laughter or hapless confusion.

Poor Paul Merton had no idea what hit him, and conservative MP Alan Duncan was left gasping for breath after hearing what has to be one of the most inglorious stories of an Everest climb. Whenever you need a giggle, stop on over here and press "Play".



(From the BBC's "Have I Got News For You")